CAMILLA IN SEAGULL HORROR!

As regular readers will know, "Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall" is actually none other than Lily Nichols, an ex bag-lady from Perranuthnoe, who has convinced large sections of the English press that she is an aristocrat!

On Tuesday, the "Duchess" visited Plymouth Naval Base, where she was guest of honour at the commissioning of the Navy's latest state-of-the-art vessel, the huge aircraft carrier Titanic. Lily has become a firm favourite of the matelots: she has already attended the commissioning of seven warships, namely the Black Pig, Venus, Hispaniola, Marie Celeste, Jolly Roger, Skylark, and Graf Spee.

Lily Nicholls is a talented and resourceful Cornish woman who has, up to now, enjoyed great success in her chosen profession of conning the English. However, on this occasion, her luck almost ran out! She was half-way through her speech when -- disaster! A passing seagull, evidently mistaking "Camilla's" lined features and large white hat for a weather-beaten, guano-encrusted, sea crag, alighted on her hat and settled itself, as though on a nest!

For a moment, Lily was unaware what had happened, until the bemused expressions of the onlookers made her realise that something was wrong. Slowly, a titter of mirth passed through the audience and Lily became embarrassed, thinking that her disguise had been penetrated. However, Lily is made of stern stuff and, drawing herself up to her full height, she shook her head, as though to clear her senses. At this, the bird flew off, with the "Duchess" still no wiser about what had happened!

Luckily, ace Roundup photographer Snapper Kelynack was there to capture the moment, shown above.