Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


Yann Vari Quigeur (45) is the President of the new UN Commission on Global Gastronomic Culture, which is based in Tregunc, Breizh (Brittany).

Today he has announced that the first food to be declared deserving of World Food Heritage Status is the Cornish Pasty.

The decision was quickly reached after a panel of judges - convened by the President and drawn from the length and breadth of Cornwall and Brittany - sampled  a variety of signature dishes from around the globe.

Given the stiff competition for the prize of being chosen for this signal honour, reaction to this news has been, predictably, varied.

Mr Madron Tregonning (39) of the Relubbus Food Institute has welcomed the news, but said that it came as absolutely no surprise to him that the pasty has come out on top.

As he says, "That Jenny Mary might avva bittova girly nayem, but ee an' is boys 'ave done sum proper job 'ere. I kintellee - people are celebratin' from up St Just way pas' Truru right up tu thu border!"

Meanwhile, the 400-strong Chinese delegation was apoplectic with suffused anger.

Their leader, Mr Lapsang Souchong, declared indignantly, "What mean he, sirry man? Chinee cook tip top and velly qwick too!

"We offer squashed duck foot in 2000 year old monkey brain sauce wiv Shanghai flied lice and we get no look-in!  Issa stitch up!!"

The French delegation, led by Gustave Rambert, departed swiftly, without public word, in a thick cloud of haughty disdain.

In passing, Rambert (shown here in a library photo from happier days) sniffed indignantly, "Ze 'ole worl' know zat ze French cuisine is ze best on ze planet.  Zese Breton cochons, zey 'ave insult√© la France viz zis negation of our cuisine.  I am not EPPY!"

Michael Fish, a weatherman from a different age  - said, "I just don't get it. Here I am in 1976 when getting the weather right tomorrow is hard enough.  Now someone is asking me about the fairness of the outcome of a contest of international cuisine in 2010.

"I've heard of long term forecasts, but this is ridiculous.  I'm a meat and two veg man meself!"

The only encouraging words came from the German delegation, Heinz and Magda Pupshose,a young happily-married couple from Furzheim.

Magda said, "Ve know zat we eppsolutely  no chance had, as ve our Wurst presented.  Vun can even say, zat Chermany not a sausage had! Ve too like Kornvall and ze vunderful pasty!"

The Roundup has decided to celebrate this achievement of the pasty by commissioning a special poem on the subject by the renowned and much loved and celebrated Cornish poet, Mr O.P. Opie (29)

Mr Opie obligingly produced this paean to the pasty from the top of his head (after first removing his cap):

The Pasty

I duh dearly luv a pasty, when the weather's wet and cold,
When the wind is up and angry, jes' like them days of old,
You come back 'ome, yer ears are red, yer trousers bleddy wet
Tha's when a good 'ot pasty is the best thing you can get!

Tha's not tuh say 'ot weather dudden suit a pasty too
I's jes' as good tuh munch'n down onna beach under sky so blue
Youkun 'ear they seagulls callin', youkun ear'n flyin' roun'
But you'll be finishin' that pasty - no point their touchin' down!

Wassa bess, then Cappen? Shop-bought or 'ome-made?
Well, if you gotta assk the question, you ent never seen a table laid -
With maither's 'ome-made pasties - they are glories on a plate!
Delight to see, delight to eat - the bess you ever ate!

If you git up to 'eaven and croust time come aroun'
There'll be sum proper manna when they 'and the pasties down.
They'll be smellin' lovely and crimped by proper Cornish angels too
They're sum full of Cornish goodness and a proper job fer you!!