Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear

RELUBBUS EROTICA BOOK CLUB

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As Tom pulled Madame Whiplash from the water, Ralph wondered whether this was such a good idea...

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However, we are confident that, having experienced the quality of our books, you will be hooked!


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As a member, your only commitment is to purchase one book a month, at the low, low club price of £79.84*, for a minimum period of 840 months.


Over the next few months, the club will be publishing:


The Bordello in Sordello
Venus in Furs

Puss in Boots
Tea-time Tarts
The Story of O
The Story of P
The Story of Q
The Autobiography of Frank Harris
The Autobiography of Arthur 'Bomber' Harris

Each of the club's volumes is exquisitely bound, with a finish chosen to match the book's subject matter. For example, our S&M books are typically bound in genuine hand-tooled leatherette, while our fetishist volumes are produced in shiney plastique.

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RELUBBUS ELECTIONS "FLAWED"

By our award-winning political correspondent, Rendell Janner

In an announcement that will send shock waves through the international community, EU election monitors have declared the recent Relubbus elections, in which Councillor Billy Spargo was elected to the newly-created posts of President of the Republic and Father and Protector of the Nation to be "flawed".

The two posts are held for life, rather than for a fixed term of years, so any suggestion of electoral impropriety is bound to cause alarm in capitals around the globe.


Last week, the
Relubbus Electoral Commission announced that Councillor Spargo (pictured left) -- the sole candidate -- had received 99.98% of the votes cast. In absolute terms, he received 28 million votes (from an electorate of 38,000).

Now, however, the EU monitors have raised substantial doubts about the legitimacy of the election by claiming to have uncovered "serious irregularities". They have apparently identified thousands of instances of impersonation, multiple voting, and "ballot stuffing" (cramming a ballot box with spurious votes from fictitious voters).


Tregavarah Ventongimps
(left), the Stalinist leader of the People's Republic of Hayle, and Councillor Spargo's arch-enemy, lost no time in trumpeting the monitors' findings as evidence that Greater Relubbus is a "failed state, presided over by a corrupt geriatric".

Other members of the
Union of Kernow States were more muted in their criticisms. A spokeswoman for Lower Gwavas called on the Relubbus Electoral Commission to "clarify the situation", while Crowlas, Treneere, and Crows An Wra merely voiced their "disquiet" and Nanpean expressed its "concern".

Stop Press:

News has just reached us of a mass demonstration, consisting of some 30 people, in Boswedden Lane. The demonstrators carried placards declaring "SPARGO MUST GO!" and "GOGO SPARGO!" The mood of the crowd was ugly, and eggs were hurled at the statue of Councillor Spargo in Times Square. However, the demonstration was soon broken up by massed ranks of the Relubbus Secret Police, the dreaded
Kreslu Kevrinek Kernewek (KKK).

The
Roundup believes that a wind of change is blowing through Relubbus. Never have demands for democracy, reform, and progress been voiced so clearly. But a wind also blows from the opposite direction, emanating from Councillor Spargo, and who knows yet which will prevail? Could Councillor Spargo's 40-year reign be about to come to an end? We will bring you more on this story as we have it.


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Just the ticket for right-wing parents! Teach your little dears sound principles of racism and love of blood sports at the same time! What's learned young lasts longest!


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