Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


Ernie Penrose (29) is an ice-cream salesman from Newbridge. He says that one of the reasons that he hasn’t yet found love is the showbiz nature of his job, which makes all girls – of all ages - fall for him.

I only have to park up the van and queues of people form up and there are always girls there. I jes’ kent choose between all they maids!” He is hoping that this quiet advert - away from the showbiz razzamatazz that goes with ice cream sales - will allow girls to see him as he really is.

“ I duh look jes’ like Richard Armitage and that should pull’em in”, he says.

Ernie can be reached on Newbridge 4721.

Avril Kernaverell (32) formerly Sister Tregavarah of the Nancledra branch of the Methodist Fundamentalists Nunnery Co-operative has left her closed order and is now working in Penzance as a parking attendant – with a twist.

The owners of offending cars are cursed and the bodywork is sprayed with strong sulphuric acid, whilst those properly parked are blessed with holy water from Madron well and the windscreens receive a very large gold star painted in indelible ink.

Avril has yet to develop many normal interests, but she is keen to meet any man, who would share her passion for Arthur Scargill’s socialist poetry, in particular his magnum opus, ‘Let us recount the 3,963 ways towards socialist realism’.

Avril can be reached on Nancledra 4526.

Tedney Prank (34) is a car mechanic from Goldsithney, who likes to describe himself as a ‘sporty kind of guy’. He has been out with a girl once before, one Kylie Penrose on 7th June 1991. Things didn’t work out well that evening.

However, Kylie dropped all proceedings and Tedney threw himself into sport.

After years of hard training, he is now the undisputed Penwith and Kerrier equestrian table tennis champion as well as being ranked sixth in the all-Cornwall toe-wrestling championship. Tedney collects sweet wrappers and ice lolly sticks and has some that date back to when he was just five, when he started his collection.

Tedney wants to found a Prank dynasty and he is now looking for a young lady (“though definitely NOT one called Kylie!”) with whom he can build his future

Tedney can be reached on Goldsithney 5922

Edna Poldavock (24) is an artist living at Gurnards Head. She is passionate about all forms of art and seeks “to push out the boundaries” and has enjoyed mixed success in so doing.

Her Sandung sculptures (fashioned from a mixture of dung and sand) were a brave, but forlorn, attempt to add the sense of smell to the more usual exploration of sight and texture in artistic appreciation. However, her solo nude dance interpretations of Tchaikovsky were an absolute sell-out.

She would not like to meet a young and artistically inclined man to help her explore the possibilities of artistic expression.

Edna can be contacted on Gurnards Head 3385.

Brenda Pollock (26) from Tregeseal is a lead stylist at the famed Shelley’s hair and Beauty in St Just.

Brenda is a ‘work hard play hard’ girl.

Her idols are Gene Pitney, Roy Orbison and Frankie Avalon and ideally she would like children from them all.

Her favourite TV programmes are Dr Finlay’s Casebook, The Morecambe and Wise Show and Secombe and Friends.

Brenda would love to meet a real man (“likes his beer and does his own roll-ups!”) with whom she can share a ‘Carry-on’ kind of life.

Brenda can be reached on Tregeseal 4593 (“but you’ll have to talk to my dad before you get me!”)

Billy’ does not give his age. He lives in a field, but can be very friendly if he is with the right sort of man.

He gets on well with most, but does not like it if people refer to him as a ‘goat’. Billy is interested in different types of grass and closely follows the weather. He absolutely HATES dogs.

He would like to explore his ‘inner self’ and would like to meet like-minded men. Billy is not on the ‘phone but can be found in Pedn Diag field at Tremethick.