Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


Being Excerpts from an entertaining Verbal Exchange between

The Honourable Cecil Longfield Oswald Titt (Champion of England) and

Ruan Ennis (Champion of Cornwall)

The protagonists:

Cecil Longfield Oswald Titt (CLOT) oscillates between his grandiose manor house on the Titt Estate in Hertfordshire (Great Titt House - DEFINITELY NOT open to the public) and his London Club, Benders of Pall Mall.

A proudly English gentleman, he has not, throughout his life, sullied his hands with any work beyond the necessary task of telling others how to better order their affairs, a task he has taken up with a selflessness that only he can appreciate.

A scion of one of the best public schools in England, he has extensive landholdings right across that country and also holds land in Cornwall.  He happens to be in Cornwall at present, as he is beating down his tenants in rent negotiations  and was eager to participate in this debate on the status of Cornwall so that he could ensure that the people know their proper place.

Ruan Ennis (RE) from a council estate in Camborne is a Cornishman's Cornishman and, in fact by way of proof, he reads the Cornishman itself every week with almost as much relish as he reads the Relubbus Roundup, his preferred reading.

Ennis has lived in Cornwall all his life, except for a brief spell in London.  It was during this temporary exile ("I only wennup ferabit geek like"), which lasted for four and a half weeks, that he came to realise - once he had left it - how unique and special Cornwall is.

On his return to his beloved Camborne, he immersed himself in the history, culture and, yes, language of Cornwall and is now an impassioned champion of the separateness of Cornwall and of the celebration of its culture.

The Excerpts:

CLOT:  The map of Great Britain displays the majesty of its heart that is England,  a jewel of geographical exquisiteness marred only by the ragged sordid Celtic excrescences of Scotland and Wales.

Cornwall should rejoice that is but one among many of the ceremonial counties and unitary authorities, which make up this magnificence called England.  You, Ennis, should be proud to see the flag of England flying above the roofs of Cornwall.

I have good news for you, Sir!  You are no mere Cornish peasant, but are instead a proud English hobbledehoy!

RE:  Lissenere, boy!  I arnt takin nunnathat colonial claptrap from the likes o' you.  Oney one flag, what duh blong ere and thassa flag o' St Piran, the flag o' Cornwall.

We err the only so-called 'county' of England - your words, boy, not mine -, which duh ave issone Flag.

Nexdoor, the Devon people 'ad a vote in 2003 to decide on their flag.  We didnaff to ave no vote ere.  Flag? - we've always adden, boy, cuz we're a nation wass always adda flag!

Nuther thing.  People up London duh knaw we're really different.  People frumere err called 'Cornish", people from Spain err called Spanish and people frum Finland err called Finnish.

Idden no other bleddy 'county', where the 'nhabitants duh ave a name like a foreign race.  Tha's cuz we err different  - you're bleddy furren faras we're concerned.

CLOT: Now steady on, my good man, you are running away with yourself.  You Cornwallers cannot possibly compare yourselves to nations such as the Spanish and the Finnish.  They are poor Johnny Foreigners with their own countries and their own awful languages.

You good people are here to serve England as loyal beach attendants and agricultural wallahs wih full rights to pay taxes to the Westminster Parliament.  There you have it!

RE:  Sens dha flows, Saws!

We Cornish duh ave our own language alright anniff you 'ad a brain up tuh understandin' ovun, I would ah spoke tuh ee innun.

The reason we duh talk your language a bit diffrunt, like it wuz farren tuh we is cuz ee is farren tuh we!!  So you can stick yer bleddy 'county' o' Cornwall an give we our country back!  You duh ave the 'onour neow o' bein' in Pow Kernow, the country of Cornwall.

EDITOR:  This exchange continued for well over an hour.  It ended with the Honourable Cecil Titt limping back to his hotel with two black eyes and one ball less than he started out with.  Mr Ennis was uninjured and remains as chipper as ever.


Join the Relubbus Border Agency (RBA) and help make a difference!

With budget cuts set to make a huge difference to people's lives throughout the UK, the Greater Relubbus Urban Council (GRUC) believes that many more people might be tempted to flee over the border into Relubbus, which still basks in an annual growth rate of 12.7%

To help combat this situation, the GRUC has decided to expand the RBA twentyfold, taking its combined strength to forty.

Pictured are the two current employees of the RBA, Mr Dougie Addicoat (48) standing on the steps of their mobile headquarters and his assistant, Bert Trembath (32) demonstrating the power of their torch, which is used on nocturnal campaigns.

All 38 new employees will be inducted at the grade of 'deputy assistant watcher', which carries a handsome salary of £14 10s 8d per week, cash in hand.  The package will also include a free pair of bicycle clips, a plastic mac and a whistle.

Applicants must be over 3 foot tall and under 40 stone in weight.  Applications in writing to the RBA, care of Relubbus Post Office.

Relubbus Olympics 2012 - Get Involved!!

The Relubbus Olympics  of 2012 are expected to draw crowds in excess of 100, so if you want to shine in front of a massive crowd in the Relubbus Primary School Sports Field, you had better get training now.  The Relubbus Team is looking to recruit new competitors in the following three events:

One Mile Blindfolded Speed Hop (for both left and right leg events)

Throw Yer Pal sfar as you can (pictured)

Marathon Armchair Sitting 

If you fancy your chances at any of these physically demanding events, contact Ebenezer Elias Polkinghorne at the Western National Central Bus Station, Relubbus.