Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


Relubbus is rightly known internationally for its tolerance and it veritably glitters in the light of its reputation as a safe haven for folk of all persuasions.

It is therefore no surprise that Prospidnick in Greater Relubbus is the chosen site of the first nudist gay B&B, run by devoted couple Ron Trezise (76) and his longterm partner Ron Polglaze (65).

The two gents, who have been working as itinerant plumbers in West Penwith since their teens, first bumped into one another whilst working on emergency repairs in the Gents in Penlee Park in Penzance on one balmy evening back in 1968.  Since then they have been an item.

As Ron T. explained, "If you duh ask fer ee, you duh get we and if you duh ask fer me, you duh still get we!"  For this reason they became known as the "Two fer one plumbers, oo duh get the job done inaff the time!"

The two Rons are leading lights in the Gwavas Contralto Queer Choir, which has been a champion of gay rights  in the West Penwith musical world for decades.  They are also both fanatical gardeners and passionately ardent nudists.

When retirement came, they decided "to set up a B&B fer folks like we!"  They then searched out a round house, the  very shape of which would embody their opposition to anything square.

When they set eyes on the Prospidnick round house, they fell in love with its circular simplicity.  As it is beautifully round, they have divided it up into segments like some great pink grapefruit.  Pink is incidentally the colour of all the decor and furniture.
There are 16 segments: one for the kitchenette, one for the bathroom and toilet, one for the dining room, one for the living room -- which also contains the front door -- and 12 for the guest bedrooms.

Whilst the house is known for its cheery cosiness, the segments are separated from one another by sturdy polyurethane pink-coloured curtains to provide the occupants with some privacy.

The house has been renamed the Prospidnick Pink House and it has been doing a roaring trade.  There has been a continuous stream of gay nudist tourists from around the world with some coming from as far away as Sidmouth.

Then last week the day came when Reginald and Mavis Pollock (both 33 and missionaries) rapped loudly on the door and asked for a room, which brought screeches of dismay from the outraged gays within.

Averting their eyes from the strange sights behind the door and declaiming in loud voices fortified by unshakeable righteousness, Reginald and Mavis demanded the right to be admitted as guests to the B&B.

They unashamedly declared that they wished to enter so that they might therein pursue their advocacy of the missionary position.

The two Rons flatly refused and, following many a bitter exchange, 5 minutes later Inspector Drustan Thaddeus Angove of the Relubbus Police appeared on the scene.

Inspector Angove, a much-feared detective and noted dwarf, took in the situation at a glance.  On seeing so many men in a state of undress, his practised eye told him the he needed re-inforcements.

In next to no time nine constables appeared, all armed with truncheons, which caused no end of excitement and delight within the house.

After some consideration, Inspector Angove led Reginald and Mavis away (still steadfastly averting their eyes), since, in his judgement, their attempt to gain entry to the renowned Pink House was a calculated provocation.

We shall be following any further developments in this case.


Gladys Nicholls (108) invites you and all other seniors to join her Tai Chi class in the Drift community centre on Tuesday evenings at 10.30 pm.

Having been instructed in this ancient art by no less a personage than "Chinky" Penhaligon of the Dung Po Golden Junk Restaurant in Penzance, Gladys is now ready to pass on her knowledge to pensioners in West Penwith.

Gladys swears by Tai Chi and her husband Gerald also swears a great deal.

The couple are passionate advocates of the generally restorative effects that Tai Chi has on the body and Gladys also maintains that it keeps her regular.

If you are thinking of joining but are not sure if you will be up to it, Gladys assures that all movements are slow, gentle and graceful and will not place any undue strain on the body.

She does, however, advise that dentures and any other artificial body pieces are removed before each session.  If you do hand over your dentures, you can be sure that you will get a pair back at the end of the session.

A thirty minutes session costs just £75, so hurry along.  There is a coach collection service for seniors between Drift and Relubbus.