Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


Colinsey Management Consultancy (CMC)
can change the way your business looks and behaves – for ever!

Meet the CMC team!

Nancy Clemo (34) is an expert on what she terms the “the male deadline crisis” and has many years experience in helping men out of this mental dead end. She has now been persuaded to leave the Prom (near St Anthony’s Gardens) to join the team of professionals based at Heamoor to school the West Cornwall Business Community to take on the world – and beat them.

Skugley Benge (35) is a young man with over 45 years experience in personal training. He has a deep personal knowledge of the scope and power of mind-altering drugs and deploys this knowledge and skill in his executive coaching.

Skugley has never been ‘inside’.

Caxter Bunt (35) is a management guru who believes in the unrivaled power of the unwashed body. The idea might, at first sight, seem abhorrent. But Baxter’s considered opinion is that “washing” is unnatural and that allowing natural odours to cloak the body also provides protection for the mind – in his words ‘It clothes the soul!”.

Caxter, who has borrowed three books on management from Penzance Library over the past few years, is part of the executive coaching team.

Rodney Botallack (25) has a unique role in the team. He is there to be an inspiration to everyone to be a fat cat. Weighing in at 35 stone, he works hard to consume the calories to keep looking the way his mother likes him to look. Since birth she has wanted him to be ‘a fat cat’. He is certainly getting there and he would like to share his secrets with aspiring business leaders in West Penwith.

The ‘leading lady’ of the CMC team is the company founder, Gracie Pender (51). Miss Pender has held top jobs in a range of well-known organisations.

She started work life at the age of 16 as a filing clerk in the Penwith Parks department. Then, two years ago, she was promoted to a ‘hands-on’ role in the staff canteen.

She therefore has a wide experience and appreciation of corporate life. She also has a CSE in Spanish (Grade 5).

If you duh want a 'proper job', then come to CMC!! Whatever problems you may 'ave, we'll sort 'n' owt fer 'ee!!


Brought to you by restless inventor, Len Pascoe

Len Pascoe is a man who likes to think out of the box (and indeed has done so ever since he was released from the box in which he was -- erroneously, he says -- confined by the state). He is a man who likes to think big and he is a man with a dream, who believes in STEAM, which is why he founded RELUBBUS ENERGY SOLUTIONS.

The thought kept him awake all night. It had to be the solution – Steam Power. He used steam power for everything – now he would enable others to do so as well!!

He brushed his teeth with a steam-powered toothbrush so powerful that it had taken out two of his wisdom teeth!

He sat on his steam-powered ‘vacuum–clean’ toilet, which had already removed one of his bollocks, but had left, as usual, his arse absolutely squeaky clean. His supportive and inspired Methodist Minister, when told of the incident, had gushed enthusiastically “Boy, so that’s the reason He gave us two!”

Pictured on the left is the sort of woman who would probably use RELUBBUS ENERGY SOLUTIONS in her home!!

Steam power was clearly the answer to the world’s power problems and his fertile mind began to focus on other obvious applications for this power source.

Thoughts began to stream into his mind... A steam-powered automated ear cleaner might be a boon to those wishing to keep their hands free for other purposes while their ears were being rhythmically scraped and pumped clean of all foreign matters. (Of course, for hygiene’s sake he would have to offer to change the cleaning head once every two years).

Or perhaps ladies would appreciate a steam-powered washing machine similar to but, of course, not the same, as the one he had created for his mother. (God rest her soul!, but at least she died clean, which would have been very important to her).

Thinking of other applications, he mused that when the hand that rocks the cradle becomes a little tired, then parents might want to pass the job on to the cast-iron comfort of the cradle rocker. (60 shuddering shakes a minute will keep baby occupied!)

That was all long ago. Now his solutions are there for everyone to use.



  • Cradle-rocker £3,213
  • Ear cleaner £4,512
  • Washing machine £3,298
  • Vacuum-clean toilet £7,456 (Think – no paper – ever again!!)
  • Toothbrush £1,863
  • Breast milk extractor £4,789
  • Ladies’ Depilator £5,281
  • Lawnmower £8,945
  • Steam car (seating driver + 1 passenger or £74,876 one piece of baggage
  • Sinus cleaner £6,402
  • Kettle £87,912

NB The ‘Ladies’ friend’ and the ‘Gents’ Vacuum Developer’ have both been temporarily withdrawn from the market following the injuries sustained by Mr and Mrs Hollis of the The Close, Treneere, Penzance. Readers will be re-assured to hear that Mr Pascoe has personally underwritten 5% of the costs of the necessary reconstructive surgery for the Hollises.

Each of the appliances above requires its own power source as pictured on the left.

It will also require its own fully trained steam operative.

These can be supplied by RELUBBUS ENERGY SOLUTIONS at an annual rental cost of only £157,000!!