Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


Prospidnick beats Goldsithney in nailbiting finish in "Top of the Form"

The victorious Prospidnick "Top of the Form" team beat 460 other schools in the popular Relubbus TV Schools' Quiz to emerge as winners after defeating Goldsithney in a dramatic final filmed in the luxurious surroundings of the Gay Plumbers' Suite in the Relubbus Intercontinental.

The winning team consists of Bernie Trevains (16), Herbert "Plunger" Pender (17), Edith Malpas-Nance (16) and Ned Nudd (17).

Programme presenter, Tren Addicoat said, "I ebbent never seen nuthin scudasthat! 'Scitin' it was!  I nearly wet meself, but they boys from up Prospidnick duh deserve t' win.

Neckuneck it was tilla las' question - 'Wassa full name o' the famous Lily Nichols lookalike?'  Plunger come in quick as you like withis finger on the buzzer, shouting the winnin' enser - 'Camiknickers!"

The winning team has won a luxury afternoon on Porthmeor beach with one free cup of tea and a saffron bun each.

Respected Policeman retires at last

Detective Chief inspector Lionel Liddicoat (59) is retiring from the police service after 41 years on the force.

His retirement will be met with a big sigh of relief from the West Cornish criminal  fraternity, who have come to fear him over the years.

Lionel was a most unusual police officer in that he was always accompanied by his ventriloquist's dummy, 'Dorothy'.

Dorothy did much - indeed, frankly all - of the the talking for them both, although, as Dorothy maintains, "You kent never see 'is lips movin'!"

From the age of 14, Lionel and Dorothy have been inseparable. Not only criminals, but also judges, police colleagues - not to mention Lionel's wife, Doris, their three children and the family budgie - have all got used to speaking to Lionel through Dorothy.

When Dorothy has to be handed in for essential repairs, Lionel has been inconsolable and quite silent, apart from a loud sobbing.

This tight union has been recognised and accepted by the grateful Relubbus Police Force.  Both Lionel and Dorothy are to receive distinguished service medals at a public meeting to be held at the St John's Hall in Boswedden Lane.

As Dorothy says, "I aren't surprised - we deserve un - but ee's ovver the moon bowtit!  Git plumb boy ee is, idna?!"

Undergound Link between New York and Relubbus now almost complete!

As some readers will know, the plans to link up the New York Metro with the Relubbus Underground are well advanced.

The Roundup can now report that there is only one mile left between the Cornish tunnel (pictured) and the American tunnel.

The flagging US and New York economies have brought all Americans to pin their hopes for recovery on the coming direct connection to the roaring economic lion that is the Relubbus economy.

Relubbus engineers have designed a special high speed steam train ("The Trevithick") that will run between the two cities at such a fast speed that the crossing is expected to be achieved in less than fifteen minutes.

Says Greater Relubbus Urban Council (GRUC) Chairman, Billy Spargo (114), "They trains are so fast - I kent bleddy bleeve it.  'Owevver, I am 'appy to 'elp out they Yanks.  'Alf o' they are Cornish anyway!  I shall gw'ovver fer the pasty supper at th' openin'."


Enty Doreen's Laundry for Old-fashioned Service you can rely on!

"Enty" - Doreen Trembath - - is  a svelte young 39 year old lady from up Colinsey Road in Penzance.  Enty realised some 17 years ago, after the birth of her 6th child, that there was a market in laundry "done the old-fashioned way".

Using a £115 start up loan from Duane Polkinghorne of Nancledra Investment Management, she purchased the very best washer/dryer available from Polkinghorne's 'Gadgets from Yesteryear' range and set up her business in her Mum's utility room.

Seventeen years later and she's still there and still paying off the interestingly structured  Polkinghorne loan, whoch now stands at £98,786.78.  The business is thriving (says Mr Polkinghorne).

"Enty" will wash and iron your entire weekly wash for just £2.75.!!!!

Furthermore, if you take out the Polkinghorne Laundry Insurance (at just £45 per item per wash!), you will be guaranteed* up to 35% of the replacement cost of any clothing damaged in the laundry process.

*All claims must be submitted in Sanskrit 24 hours before the item is washed.  Otherwise the validity of any claim will not be recognised.