Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


By Theatrical Correspondent Tresco Angarrack
Germoe Arts Centre was the unlikely location for a world premiere of the latest work from the famous, but controversial, German dramatist, Wolfgang von Afterdingen.

The unusual nature of the event drew arts aficionados from around the world to witness Herr von Afterdingen's latest magnum opus.

The 54 year old dramatist, who hails from Itzehoe in Schleswig Holstein, has astounded and confounded critics around the globe with his innovative and challenging approach to modern theatre. His last work, which ran for 36 weeks in Berlin, and for one night in Camborne, was entitled Pflanzen, meaning "plants" in English.

All the parts in this dialogue-free piece were played by plants. The central role was taken by a rubber plant, called Hans. Hans was flanked by two cut daffodils (which had to be changed nightly), called Gabi and Klaus. The play was divided into 7 indistinguishable acts of 30 minutes each. The full effect of the play was devastatingly powerful, unrelieved as it was by any movement, music or dialogue.

Von Afterdingen fans, reared on such exotic fare, were salivating at the prospect of yet further offerings of dramatic innovation from the great man. He did not disappoint them!

Pictured above is the man known as the "volcano of drama", Wolfgang von Afterdingen himself, as he appeared yesterday in the Germoe Arts Centre in his latest work, entitled Gebackene Bohnen, or "Baked Beans" in English. He is the only actor in this play, which continuing a theme that is becoming something of a trademark for his work, contains almost no dialogue whatever.

The play has one act only and it lasts "as long as it needs to" according to von Afterdingen. The great man is put on a diet of nothing but baked beans for a week. He then takes the stage. The curtain goes up. He is seated in his chair, looking a little strained. He announces "Ich habe gebackene Bohnen gegessen!", which means "I have eaten baked beans", though he does not believe that a translation is necessary.

He resumes his seat, and then, with many a pained expression, produces a series of trumpeting farts. When, at last, he is out of wind, the play is over. Yesterday's performance lasted for one and a half hours.

When the great man had concluded and left the stage, the audience was, at first, stunned. When full realisation of the great man's originality dawned, the audience slowly but surely broke out into thunderous applause. The great man, tired from his exertions, did return to the stage, but explained that he was not able to perform an encore.

The rapturous reception from all three of the audience has ensured that the play will run and run at Germoe and there is now even talk of a transfer to the Madron Scout Hut.

Tickets for the play are available from Mavis Pengelly's Sauna and Massage Parlour at Germoe at a price of only £35 each. Readers are advised to rush to get their tickets now so as not to be disappointed.

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