Nyns eus goon heb lagas, na ke heb scovarn

There is no down without an eye, nor hedge without an ear


As far as Superheroes go, you may have heard of Batman and Gotham City, but have you heard of Relubbus and... "The Man with No Trousers"?

We present below (on far left) a partial snap of the reluctant hero -- who is known simply as The Man with No Trousers -- in a lucky photo taken on the Relubbus Underground, on the Central Line between the fashionable Boswedden Lane and Prospidnick Lane stops, by Agnes Tresidder (82), who commented merely, "I was takin’ my grandson's repaired camera 'ome on the Tube, when I suddenly saw The Man with No Trousers.

"I was sum shocked to see ov un and I must 'ave sumow pressed the button. Denzil, my grandson, told me I 'ad taken this 'ere picture."

Relubbus has been repeatedly astounded by reports of astonishing bravery and devilish and speedy skill on the part of an individual who moves quickly, very quickly indeed, but who wears no trousers. No one knows his name, but we print Mrs Tresidder's picture here in the fervent hope that someone -- maybe his mother -- will recognise the underpants the young man is wearing.

Mrs Tresidder added helpfully that, as he got off the train, she could observe pronounced "skid marks" on the reverse of the young hero's underpants, which might bring about a smile of knowing recognition on some proud mother's face. If the young hero can be found, a public honour to be presented by Council Leader Billy Spargo awaits him.

The young hero already has a string of acts of heroism to his name. Only last week, the Man with No Trousers appeared just in the nick of time to save Mrs 'Ollis' budgie from certain death in the jaws and paws of next door' s cat, Trewella.

The week before that he single-handedly neutralised 7 nuclear bombs that the People’s Republic of Hayle has recently imported from North Korea.

However, whilst many stories can be told about this latest of the Relubbus Legion of Superheroes, what news of the older established heroes such as 'Ooverman or Toiletwoman?

In a rare archive photograph, we proudly present here a picture of 'Ooverman in his very first act of derring do. Taken by an admiring amateur photographer, it shows 'Ooverman taking care of a spilt sherbet fountain in Marshall James' music store in Market Jew Street, Penzance, back in 1969.

Since then he and his hoover have been an ingredient of every natural disaster that has struck around the world. Bemused foreigners from Chernobyl to Bangladesh have been reassured by those comforting words delivered in a high-pitched West Cornish accent, "Orright, I'm 'ere neow, where can I plug it in?"

The fame of this superhero is shared by another Relubbus Superheroine, the so-called
Toiletwoman. She has yet to perform a traditional "Superhero" act, but she has remained seated on the same toilet for 12 years, which is an accomplishment no one else has equalled.

We can report that she is still seated firmly on her toilet on the Gwavas Estate in Newlyn.

However, where might The Man with No Trousers be right now? Who can say… Have you seen him?

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