As the winter winds lose their bite and the days grow longer, the snowdrops give way to daffodils and gradually thoughts turn to spring and to ... Eurovision.
The Roundup proudly presents a review of the main contestants for this prestigious European prize and reveals that the customary vote-rigging is well under way and is so far advanced that the eventual winner can already be announced.
But first things first – the contestants. We review the principal contenders for the title in this year’s unique contest, in which everyone has to sing their own lyrics to the same tune – “Goin' up Camborne ‘Ill" - played by the Marazion massed triangle band. Each contestant is shown with the lyrics he/she has chosen.
BELGIUM
Heartthrob Alternative Health Practitioner, Philippe Knabberknackers (24) ‘walked’ the selection process in Belgium.
Despite not even bothering to turn up for the contest, as he had had a few bevvies too many the night before, Philippe won ten of the thirteen votes cast to ‘walk away’ with the Belgian nomination.
As can be seen from the photo, he has now thrown all his energies into coming up with a winning interpretation of his song.
His fan base extends beyond Belgium, because of his appearance in ‘special interest films’ and he appears to have a solid supporter base in the Baltic States and in other former republics of the former USSR.
Lyrics: Who kicked the budgie into my soup?
LATVIA
Dace (formerly Valdis) Vanags (18) was a man for the first forty-three of her years. After 
several operations at the Riga Veterinary Hospital, she emerged as a mouth-wateringly beautiful 18 year old girl with – still – an amazing bass voice!
In her former existence as Valdis, she was an experienced and highly capable stevedore. Now she has emerged as a beauty therapist, who is able to serenade her female clients in a rich deep bass voice that seems beguilingly out of character with the lissome female creature one sees before one.
Lyrics: Old Man River, Dat old man River
FRANCE
Mademoiselle Frou-Frou Lebecque (formerly Mimi Letoucque) (23) received a vote of 83 million (out of a population of 61.5 million) to steal the French nomination, despite there being no other contestants.
Frou-frou is wildly popular with the whole of the French public – apart from Carla Bruni, the new wife of French President Nicholas Teacosy.
Bruni is aid to have been very upset to have found a full length picture of Frou Frou in President Teacosy’s shower room.
Lyrics: Camptown Races
ISRAEL AND NEW ZEALAND
Although being a fair distance by aeroplane from Europe, Israel has traditionally been allowed to take part in Eurovision for many reasons, which are, of course, obvious to anyone from Tel Aviv.
Shlomo ben David (29) has been selected from 20,000 contestants to represent the Israeli republic.
Shlomo is a New Zealander, but, as he converted to Judaism last month and received an Israeli passport last week, he is now able to represent both countries, as he announces with his customary wayward smile.
Lyrics: Don’t Dilly Dally (My Old man said "Follow the Van")
ITALY
The Cheeky Girls, Bella Ragazza and her cousin, Pasta Verde, are both 17 and delighted to represent their country.
As Bella gushingly and fluently declared, “Issa wonderful, Ciao, Grazie, Prego! I luvva you!”
Both girls attend the Italia Disconti Stage school, where they spend 2 hours a day learning to speak English “Likeaa they do inna Eastenders, allrighta maita!”, said Pasta showing off.
They also focus a great deal on song, dance and theatre skills. Amazingly, the girls will be singing their song whilst performing an “Inverted Irish Dance” - i.e. on their hands!
Lyrics: There’s an Old Mill By the Stream
SWEDEN
The schoolgirl troupe selected by the Swedes (called "They Swedish maids") is tipped as a hot favourite to win the contest. 
They are believed to have secured financial backing from two well known Cornish business magnates – the fabulously rich Messrs Trevaskis and Oates – which has enabled them to buy their eye-catchingly snazzy costumes, the skirts of which they rip off midway through the song in Mexican wave style.
In return for the generous backing (believed to be in excess of £7.50 each!), the girls have, of course, signed over all profits they may ever make in their lives and have committed to appear every night for the next ten years at the Relubbus Hippodrome.
Lyrics: Hitler, 'e only 'ad one ball!!
HAYLE
The People’s Soviet Socialist Republic of Hayle is represented by three young folk, who work at the experimental Hayle Nuclear Power Station – they are from left to right Norris, Doris and Boris and sing together under the name “Endebee”.
The trio, all 19 years old, have caused some controversy by inserting words which sound like “embargo Spargo!” into their song.
This has given rise to renewed frictions in the already frayed diplomatic relations between Relubbus, led by 108-year-old Council Chairman Spargo, and the People’s Republic of Hayle, led by failed comb-over victim and mad dictator Ventongimps (49).
Lyrics: Kiss me goodnight, Sergeant-Major
RELUBBUS
The runaway absolute favourite for the contest is the 16-year-old, 16 stone singing prodigy from 
Prospidnick, known to his Mum as ‘git plum boy’ and known to his huge Relubbus fan base as ‘Gunna Singunaree’.
His off-stage name is Leonard Landshark and young Landshark has, despite his young years, already twice topped the Relubbus charts with his versions of “Do ye ken John Peel” and “My Boy Willie”, both of which sold over ten copies in only 12 weeks.
Young Landshark has huge stage presence (and a huge frame) and seems to exert a magnetic pull over his audiences, even when they number more than 14.
Landshark’s voice is breaking and it may just be the sheer unpredictability of his sound that is the secret of his success. Bookies have stopped taking bets on Landshark, because he is now commonly regarded as a sure-fire winner.
Experts feel that his highly-rated chances might be related to the fact that, alone amongst the contestants, his lyrics do fit the music.
Lyrics: Goin’ up Camborne ‘Ill
The Roundup will be following the further development of this story for the benefit of the thousands of our readers around the world who 'live for Eurovision'.
EUROVISION 2009 - YOUR COUNTRY NEEDS YOU!
WHAT RELUBBUS MEANS TO THE WORLD
In a fragile, changing world buffeted by events, a constant and reliable bulwark such as RELUBBUS is a necessary point of reference for all.
But just what does RELUBBUS mean to the movers and shakers of the world? We asked 8 influential people what RELUBBUS means to them.
Barack Obama
When I campaigned for the office of President, I had one image fixed firmly before me and it was the picture of the one true Statesman this world has ever seen – Billy Spargo.
It is no secret that I modelled my internet campaign on the so-called Spargo political fishing net, which ‘captures more political fish’ than any other. It is a matter of great regret to me that I cannot make Relubbus the site of my first foreign visit, since Councillor Spargo has told me that he has no time to fit me in for a couple of years.
I shall wait patiently. Relubbus stands for everything I would like America to be. When I walk down Boswedden Lane for the first time, I will truly be a happy man.
Cecilie Attias (Sarkozy)
The reason I left my former husband, the 3ft 6 ins tall French President, Nicholas Sarkozy is 
that I met a real man whilst on holiday in Cornwall. He may have been 91 years old but he had a very powerful aroma, which conquered me.
He took me to Boswedden Lane and to the RC Oates Superstore, to the Relubbus Conservatoire, to the spacious halls (yes, there are two!) of the Wendron Lane Methodist Church to a meeting of the Young Farmers’ wives and I realised the poverty of Parisian life in an instant.
The sad limp structures along the Seine have nothing to compare with the brave bold buildings of Relubbus. The superior sights and smells assault the senses and leave one as helpless as I felt in the strong arms and penetrating aroma of the great Spargo.
I was just a plaything – a distraction - for this great man and I had to go elsewhere to find a poor copy of the great Spargo after I had left my pathetic Parisian dwarf, but I did retain a reverend respect for Relubbus, which reared this great man.
HU Jintao
At a G20 meeting in Relubbus, Billy Spargo took me both to the Fish and Chip Shop half way 
up Causewayhead in Penzance and also to the Wimpy Bar in Market Jew Street. Then he took me to a rehearsal of the famous Newlyn Male Voice choir, which had worked under the legendary Norrie Williams.
Dizzy with this cultural overload, I was then taken to Penlowarth, where the sheer inventiveness of the benefits claimants was breathtaking. After this, we walked down the serene majesty of Boswedden Lane completely alone, apart from the four thousand Relubbus Boy Scouts assigned to us as security.
Their constant vigilance and ‘preparedness’ made me realise that China truly had much to learn from Relubbus. My two day visit gradually stretched to one month as I realised that the thousands of years of Chinese ‘civilisation’ had brought us nothing. The sophistication of society in Greater Relubbus had won me over completely. Now we all say “Long Live Lelubbus!”
Helen Mirren
Years ago, before I was famous, I was walking down Bread street in Penzance having got really badly pissed up at a party in St James’s Street, when I bumped into a man called Sam Curnow, who ran a fish shop near the top of Causewayhead in Penzance.
I was drunk. He was drunk. But he started talking about the bombs and I was away with him. Yes, he was a little old at his 84 years to my 18, but he had Cornish charisma and I have never met a man since who could do what he did – drunk or sober.
In his memory, I am there for Relubbus, the place of his birth.
Yulia Tymoshenko
We want it civilisation innat Ukraine. It is wonderful ting you know, like? Accordingly we examine all countries round world to get good example to follow it here.
As soon as we hear of Greater Relubbus, bastion of freedom in face of totalitarian Communist Hayle led by dictator Tregavarah Ventongimps, we think of our position here in free sunny Ukraine by the sea right next door to cold Russia of Vladimir Ventongimps Putin.
I write to great Billy Spargo and ask it him for help. He reply kindly by saying he will give me one. Relubbus is model not just for Ukraine, but for all world.
Pope Benedikt XVI
One of ze main reasons that I haff poping taken up is zat – years ago – venn I vaz on holiday in Cornwall, I met ze young Wilhelm Spargo.
I vaz 11 and he vaz older. He vaz my hero and I followed him like a puppy dog. “I vish to be in your gang, Billy!” I screamed. He replied “You gotta better chence of bein pope than bein in my gang, boy!” Being a serious-minded Cherman, I took his vords to heart and applied myself to becoming pope.
Now zat I haff zis achieved, I vill ask Billy if za Vatikan can join ze Relubbus gang! I haff to hurry zis request as I haff been getting into troubles recently and might be ze first Pope to have ot resign! When I haff done poping, I will ask nicely to come to Relubbus to hide.
Lawrence of Arabia
As a child I played upon the sand dunes of Relubbus Towans. My parents often went off 
drinking leaving me to fend for myself as toddler of 1 or 2 years old.
This toughens you up. With nothing but a nappy to protect me from the blisteringly hot Cornish rain in temperatures which, in August, reached as high as 18 degrees centigrade, I roamed far and wide over the Towans and thus came to love the sand and regard it as a safe haven.
When I reached the deserts of Arabia, it was only the military requirement to ‘blend in’ that kept me from donning a nappy again and, instead, putting on the namby-pamby get-up which the surrounding Ayrabs wore. Thus I owe it to my early years training in Relubbus that I took to the desert sands so well. Hats off to Relubbus!!
DISGRACED RBS CHIEF PUT IN HIS PLACE!
Councillor Billy Spargo (98) had the disgraced ex-chief of the RBS (Relubbus Banking Syndicate) brought in shackles before a full council meeting today.
The RBS ex-chief, Sir Zack “the Sack” Badloss (45), is pictured left in happier days outside the bank, which has been found to have registered losses of £130 billion.
Sir Zack Badloss earned his nickname "the Sack" for the huge number of redundancies he brought about during his career.
Sir Zack earned a whopping £15 million per year during his 11 year tenure at the top of the Relubbus banking giant, which he built up through a programme of ruthless acquisition and redundancy.
Badloss was made to kneel-walk along a specially prepared corridor of broken glass in order to reach the council. The corridor had been lovingly prepared for him by a group of ballot-selected ex-colleagues, who had been sacked and ruined by him over the years.
Lining the route of the corridor were two files of similarly-selected ruined shareholders and customers, who were able to show their appreciation of Badloss’s ruthless recklessness by hitting him with sturdy sticks.
However, such is the famed insensitivity of the man that Badloss made it through to the ordure-filled wooden barrel in which he was to be questioned without any loss of his customary haughtiness.
Outside the Council Chamber a crowd of 140,000 ruined by Badloss’s RBS watched the proceedings on huge screens and intoned a deafening chant of the now familiar mantra “Good riddance to Badloss!”
It was only when Council Leader Billy Spargo (105) raised his arm that silence fell sudden as a stone.
It was then that everyone noticed that, seated in his ordure, Badloss was actually humming the tune of “Oh, I do love to be beside the seaside!”
This display of nonchalant detachment was interrupted by the flood of questions from the furious members of the council, each of whom was armed with a device that sent a sizeable voltage through Badloss to ‘get his attention’. We report some of the exchanges below:
Councillor Nargus Rosewarne: “Have you any banking qualifications?”
Badloss: "I have a grade 3 pass in O level woodwork and….a grade 4 pass in CSE maths. These gongs are more than adequate to qualify me for running any bank."
Councillor Jack Pengelly: “Have you any regret for what you have done?”
Badloss: “Regret? Regret? How can I possibly have any regrets? I have made well over £100 million and have salted it away in the State Bank of Relubbus. I'm alright, Jack, but thanks for the enquiry.”
Councillor Loveday Trembath: "Thousands of people throughout Relubbus and elsewhere in the world have been ruined by your failing bank. Some poor folk have felt themselves driven to commit suicide in their desperation. Do you feel no sense of responsibility?”
Badloss: “As Mrs Thatcher said, we all have to look after ourselves and that is something which I have done very well, which is why her protégé, Tory Blur, gave me a knighthood."
Councillor Madron Andrewartha: “Do you not feel any sense of shame or sorrow for the havoc you have wreaked?”
Badloss: “How can I be sorry and apologise for something which is not my fault? The banking crisis started in America, where, following our programme of social responsibility, we had gone out of our way to extend home loans to thousands of people, who, for reasons of abject poverty, would not normally qualify for any finance at all.
"Of course, we had to charge a bit more for that and some of the suckers couldn’t keep up. It’s all gone a bit pear-shaped, but it is not my fault and I have come out of it very well indeed.
"I think I can just about manage on my savings and my £4 million per year pension.”
Following further questions, Council Leader Billy Spargo (86) ended the 6 hour ordeal by again raising his hand to secure total silence and then issuing a judgement in respect of Badloss:
- His title would be changed from “Sir “ to “Scumbag”
- His savings would be confiscated.
- His mansion and other properties would be confiscated and he would receive a house in poor repair in Colinsey Road with a broken outside toilet.
- His pension rights would be cancelled. He would receive £1.50 worth of food per week from the RC Oates Very Basic range.
- He would be able to keep (indeed, would be forced to keep) his shackles.
The waiting crowd broke into spontaneous and delirious applause at the news.In a park nearby, 94 year old Josiah Cock sat on a bench and wondered aloud “What did they expect from a man called Badloss, a 'good win'?
"None of these thieving crooks at the top of the banks should have any money at all - they should have prison sentences instead - that's what they deserve!"
He then gave thanks that he had the good fortune to live in Relubbus, which alone amongst the nations dealt firmly with failing banks and bankers.
ADVICE CORNER
Life is becoming ever more complex and more and more people find themselves compelled to seek out professional help so that they can deal with the ever more difficult demands placed upon them.
Mindful that its readers have 100% confidence in its utterances and guidance, the Roundup has accordingly pulled together a starred panel of experts to guide and advise our readers through some of life’s more difficult questions.
Readers are invited to write in to seek the advice of our unique pool of talent. Our panel of experts is at hand to provide advice on a range of matters running from health to wealth, from hairdressing to finance. We have invited our experts to introduce themselves to you. So meet the experts!
HEALTH Dr Brenda Tonkin (57) -- pictured here at a health conference in the Caribbean 
sponsored by British American Tobacco -- is at hand to deal with any worries you may have about matters of health.
In particular, she is keen to dispel many of the modern health myths which add to the misery of many poor folk. She describes herself as a lady who enjoys a drink or two and who knows how to appreciate the liberating effects that an Old Shag from St Bruno can have.
She is a strong opponent of gyms which, she maintains, cause untold impact injuries and weaken the structure of the body rather than improve it. She is a fierce critic of ‘rabbit food’ and the health freaks who advocate it. She believes that breakfast is the key meal of the day. For her, it should be a good fry up every time, including a good bit of 'ogs puddin’.
Brenda is totally opposed to post-marital sex and finds ginger hair utterly repugnant. Brenda is keen to offer advice to all, but she will particularly welcome approaches from amputees.
MENTAL HEALTH Kaspar Lesnoweth (just 3 months old) is the exceedingly clever genius of 
the psychiatric world. Being super-intelligent, Kaspar obtained degrees in Mathematics, Physics, Greek, Latin, Russian, Mandarin Chinese, Medicine, Psychiatry, History, and No 1s and No 2s (although he still is in nappies) -- all before reaching the age of 2 months.
Bringing an entirely fresh young mind to the subject of psychiatry, he adopts a radical approach to what he terms ‘mental abewwations’. He firmly believes that anyone less intelligent than he is needs to be ‘exterminated by a dalek’.
Patients who are prepared to tickle his stomach are permitted to be spared ‘as they might be useful’. No matter how depressed a person may be, Kaspar will be pleased to play with anyone.
HAIRDRESSING Tracey Polkinghorne (27) used to be a senior stylist at Shelley’s of St Just before she moved into ‘hair consultancy’. Tracey considers that the artistry of hairdressing is under-rated when compared to its rightful 
sister arts of poetry and music.
She prides herself on being able to merge all three when having rap music playing while she is undertaking one of her creations for a client. Yes, she confides that she still does do the odd bit of clipping in a garage behind Newlyn Bridge, because she needs the hands-on experience to re-enervate her consulting muscle.
However, she is happiest dispensing the fruits of her accumulated hairdressing wisdom in magazines around the world, foremost amongst which are the Relubbus Roundup and the Liechtensteiner Volksblatt. She is also in negotiations with the Luxembourg paper, Zeitung vum Lëtzebuerger Vollek, which will be syndicating her column for a sum believed to be in excess of £7.50 a month.
Tracey will be there for you to deal with all the tricky questions, such as how to turn gray hair into pink or blue and, for the men, how to get a combover that will turn heads.
FINANCE Horton Baragwaneth (45) is one of the few world financiers whose reputations 
remain untarnished following recent turmoil in the financial world. His oft-repeated maxim of “Keep’n in cash an’ keep ‘n under the mattress” has finally proved to have resonance for all.
The millions of folk who have invested in the stockmarket have seen their investments plummet in value by around a third, whereas Horton’s £27 nest egg retains all the purchasing power it had 27 years ago – apart from inflation, of course. However, as he says “You kent win ‘em all, canee? Least I ebbn lost nuthin!”
Horton famously has another £75 hidden in his garden hedge, although no-one has been able to find it. He styles this his hedge fund. Horton will be providing invaluable advice to all those facing any financial crisis.
PASSING OVER Douglas Penberthy (19) comes from a long line of undertakers and, like any 
apprentice, he has worked his way up through the family firm, having had a go at every single job so that he would be a true expert.
He says, “I’ve done it all – dug the pits, made the boxes, washed the stiffs, tidied them up to make them presentable for the loved ones, driven the stiffmobile, done the slow walk, carried the box – full and empty – serviced the incinerator, been on the ‘sincere, but glum’ course, managed the budgets and taken the cash. I can do it all!”
This is just as well, as his father is now serving a prison stretch for ‘certain irregularities’ which occurred when he was preparing a corpse, having forgotten first to put his trousers on. Douglas can advise on any aspect of the practicalities of ‘passing over’.
PLUMBING AND GOALKEEPING Lester Bramnoweth (35) is the 
legendary goalkeeper for top West Penwith football team Richmond Rangers, who play at the St Clare ground in Penzance.
With Bramnoweth’s help, the Rangers have set a new record (10 unbroken years!) for clinging to the bottom position of the South West Peninsula League.
Lester also holds the record for letting in the most goals during any one match, with an astounding total of 326. As he modestly declares “I couldna dunovun without my teammates!”
In addition to this, he is the lead apprentice in the Tremethick Cross mega plumbing empire of Jimmy Addicoat, where he has specialised in the field of difficult bathroom tap washers. Lester is a sound and competent voice in both plumbing and goalkeeping.
CARS FOR THE 21ST CENTURY
The Roundup has visited the premises of Karnyorth Kernewek KKemmyn Motors to view the prestige car models for the coming year. As usual, the gleaming new motors will be available only to people in Relubbus up until March, then released to others in Kernow, before being released from June onwards to the benighted souls who inhabit other shores, including those of Pow Saws.
Our Motoring Correspondent, Doug (“Dopey”) Opie, has received the usual invitation to the spacious premises of the Karnyorth Kernewek KKemmyn Motors (Quadruple K/M) to have a preview of the car models set to become a must-have accessory for the Relubbus multi-millionnaire.
Along with the other four hundred members of the Relubbus motoring press pack, Dopey was treated to a slap-up saffron bun and tea welcome before the viewing of the cars took place.
When this was over, they moved on to view the ‘pride of the pack’ of this year’s cars, the Karnyorth EkoKar, pictured left, with an admiring Dopey alongside.
Despite its costly eco-friendly attributes, this Kar retails at a mere £37,000. It is a “one-seater” and is powered by whoever sits in it, since it has NO ENGINE at all. It therefore consumes no fuel and emits no toxins or particulates whatsoever – APART from whatever the driver might personally emit by means of flatulence.
It has no windscreen, no wipers, no water use at all. However, it does have natural ‘air cooling’. It is made entirely of light UNPAINTED wood. The seat is an unadorned wooden board, which has been expertly planed to ensure that there are no splinters. Accordingly – in view of all these attributes – it can be justly claimed that this Kar leads the way in terms of reduced environmental impact and luxurious comfort. The pedal propulsion (i.e. by foot – with NO mechanics at all – think Flintstone) permits speeds of 2 – 3 miles per hour along flat roads and attainment of dizzying speeds down Paul Hill, although this route should be avoided as there are neither brakes nor steering wheel. Interested environmentalist parties are advised to get in quick as demand is expected to be high.
The next motor is a ‘hot’ machine. Again, it is a one-seater, but it is built unashamedly to attain 
the highest speeds for the driver and, as the designer, Landshark Treglown says, “Bugger the environment!” This sleek dream-machine is called the “Loveday” and will be available at an on-the-road price of £152,000. Capable of 0-60 in just 3 hours, the Loveday (which has to be followed by a tanker to keep its fuel topped up) is expected to be popular with the rich young singles of Relubbus, who want to make a ‘style statement’.
Regarded as the coolest motor to be brought to market since the ‘Trevaskis Landshark”, the Loveday will be the car to be seen in down fashionable Boswedden Lane.
The next new vehicle is in a completely different category – the people carrier. Called the 
“Charabanc”, it is capable of transporting 36 people all at once – apart from the driver, who alone is seated. Some might claim that safety has been compromised in this design, but the designers are happy to re-assure that the entire interior has been cushioned with thick layers of expensive asbestos so as to prevent injury when emergency stops have to be made, as well as to protect passengers in the event of unforeseen hazards arising from the unusual use of acetylene as a fuel. The Charabanc is a necessary utilitarian workhorse people-carrier and retails at a mere £25,000.
One of the biggest stirs has been caused by “The Denzil”, which heralds the advent of an 
entirely new vehicular concept –the under water vehicle. Extensively ‘road-tested’ in Mounts Bay, it is a vehicle targeted at those who wish to cross between the mainland and islands such as the Scillies or, even St Michael’s Mount at high tide. It is very heavily weighted and, once one has driven out into the water, there is no chance of floating to the surface.
There is still some fine-tuning to be done as far as facilitation of breathing under water goes and there is also some urgent last minute thinking to be done on underwater propulsion, since the ‘road-tests’ were achieved by a tow-rope attached to a fishing boat. However, these little ‘issues’ have not dissuaded some 5,700 young Relubbus men-about-town from putting in advance orders for the vehicles, which will retail at £140,000.
The ‘Bowjey Ball’ is the name of the economy-priced family car, which will sell for as little as 
£31. It is equipped with a lawn mower motor and comes with two seats, one of which can be removed if more passengers are to be squeezed in. In tests, the Bowjey was found to be able to accommodate one driver plus one adult and two medium-sized teenagers at a very tight squeeze and with the doors shut with outside assistance. Despite the manifest intention to avoid cost in this family car, there has been some concession towards the modern fascination with in-car gadgetry, since the driver’s door has a hole, into which a pen or toothbrush might be inserted.
The last car is the ‘Tremethick’, which is a blatant call to the young, red-blooded and loaded 
playboy. This Italian-styled car comes complete with every luxury and accessory you can possibly think of – including a free blonde called Tracey. The car has a transistor radio in the back and the front both to create a stereo effect and to permit passengers in front and back to listen to different Cornish Radio stations. The back seat can be converted into a bed and also into a Jacuzzi. Furthermore, using the luggage space as well, the back can be converted into a tennis court or football pitch. At the front there are also three cupholders. We could continue to sing the praises of this wonderful car, but – priced as it is at £1,500,000 - it likely to be beyond the reach of most people in Relubbus.
In our last motoring article we had a competition, which had the new Bowjey Ball as it’s prize.
We are pleased to show a picture of the winners. Pictured are Joycie Tresidder (27) and her two brothers – Bert (29) on the left and ‘Poop’ (19) on the right.
The Tresidders, who all speak with fake American accents although they have spent their entire lives in St Buryan, are overjoyed at their win! Said Joycie, "I am overjoyed, I am!"
