NEWS IN BRIEF

BBC TO BROADCAST ONLY IN CORNISH!!

Mr O.P. Opie (76) the jovial, but thrusting, Chairman of the Boskednan Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) has issued a surprise announcement that all future broadcasts of the BBC will be in Kernowek (Celtic Cornish) only.

This statement has caused concern around the globe, since many of the people who like to tune into the BBC to get an unbiased opinion of the news in and around Boskednan cannot attend Kernowek classes.

Mr Nissim Padha (79) a punkah wallah fom Bangalore is a  typical example of such a listener.

He explains, "This is totally not good for me at all, oh no!

Nearest Kernowek class is at City Lit in London, UK, which is 10 and a half hours on aeroplane. 

I am just punkah wallah and cannot be affording this fare.  This is most bad news. 

I am interested in goings-on in Boskednan, like many another peoples in world.  It helps me to pass time on punkah."

'Gladys', a representative of the Tawali People's Favourite Radio Club said, also spoke up, "There are many people throughout Papua New Guinea whose ears are glued to the radio when the BBC comes on. 

When we are listening, we are all dreaming that we are in Boskednan in glorious Kernow.  However, no one here can speak Kernowek.  We hear that the nearest place where we can learn Kernowek is in the City Lit in London , which is 31 hours from here using the Big Bird, which we cannot afford."

Complaints have also come from nearer to home.   

Mr Detritus Pascoe from Plymouth has also complained.

He says, "Darney, I'm only ovver 'ere in Plymouth, where I duh work on the bins. I kent speak no Cornish, altho I wuz born ovver Noolun.  What the bleddy 'ell they gotta put all they programmes out in Cornish fer?"

Such is the high feeling that some folk have talked of raising a petition to present before the Chairman of the Greater Relubbus Urban Council (GRUC) , Councillor Billy Spargo (113).

However, this avenue for a potential protest gesture has been firmly closed off by Mr Spargo's personal office.

A spokesman for Councillor Spargo has let it be known that Mr Spargo is now off on his summer holidays at Sennen Cove accompanied only by his resident nurse Jenefer Bolitho (23) (pictured left).

He is not to be disturbed at any cost.









RUCTIONS IN RUSSIA?

Firstly a big 'thank you' to a Mr V Putin for the holiday snap. 

Cornwall is the preferred holiday destination for many an international leader, but just what is one to make of the sudden appearance on the Penzance Promenade of the German Chancellor Angela Merkel separated only by the gleamingly smiling Archbishop Vikenty from the adoring presence of the Russian president, Dmitri Myedvyedyev.

According to Mr Putin, Angela and Dmitri are a having a 'Brest-Litovsk moment of Russo-German rapprochement', which Mr Putin, were he president, would not consider.

Mr Putin, who used to spy on people professionally with KGB notebook and pencil, also highly disapproves of the fact that Angela and Dmitri shared a room at the Queen's Hotel and came down to breakfast together.

Mr Putin, who is himself holidaying on the Tolroy Estate in Hayle, would not comment beyond this point.

A spokesperson for the Relubbus Russian Studies Institute at Prospidnick has opined that this string of embarrassing revelations could reflect a desire by Mr Putin to destabilise his successor and help pave the way back for his own return to the presidency.

ACCLAIMED AUTHOR PUBLISHES NEW WORK!!

Mr E.B. Daft (52) the much revered man of letters, who chooses to lead a reclusive life in the leafy confines of his Gwavas Estate home overlooking the stupendous Mounts Bay, has published a new work.

The new book speaks of his love for his most trusty and much treasured canine companion, Walter, and celebrates the animal's astounding gifts for public performance.

The book is suitable for for adults of all ages and, at just £52, is excellent value coming, as it does, with a FREE colouring-in set.

With a print run of just 500,000, Daft devotees are advised to rush to get their copy soon to avoid disappointment. 

Available at Oscar's Station Bookshop, Penzance and at all good book stores.