By Business Correspondent O. P. Opie
Today, however, we take a look at some of the promising younger businesses in Relubbus that might offer the adventurous investor the opportunity of a lifetime.
Each business is the creation of an inspired young local entrepreneur and we have invited each of them to introduce their business here.
R.U. Bent (23) ("Call me "Rodney!') is a sensitive young man whose extreme closeness to his feminine side made growing up on Gwavas Estate more challenging than would otherwise have been the case.Two years ago he set up Tranny Taxis of Newbridge and is hugely proud of the 12 car fleet he now has to offer his many clients. All the drivers are either transsexuals or transvestites and all of them hold advanced driver's licences as well as qualifications in emergency make-up and 'rescue' fashion advice.
Rodney freely admits that he borrowed heavily on the business model of the unexpectedly lucrative Gay Taxi Company of Long Rock, but as he boldly states "There's 'nuff room fer both o' we. We's Penwith is 'eavin wi' queer folk."
He quickly realised that he would have to employ himself - to set up his own business. He hit upon the idea of providing hot air balloon trips and thus Bodrifty Family Hot Air Balloons was born. Bodrifty balloons are launched at Lands End.
The 'basket'is a normal hot air balloon basket, but the 'lift' is provided by 16 helium-filled party balloons. This severely restricted lift potential tends to lead to an automatic fall, once the basket is pushed off the edge of the cliff, but it is sufficient to ensure that the descent is not as dangerously rapid as it might otherwise be.
However, the sensation of travel has been exciting enough to attract thousands of people (all emmets to date) to part with the necessary £1,400, which is the cost of this one way -- and, indeed, in 98% of cases, final -- trip. Says Charlie, "I emt never looked back; the moneyz pourin' in!"
Mike came up with the brilliant idea of using violent ex-cons in house cleaning, as they tend to have spent a large period of time in a confined space, which most of them have become anal about keeping clean.
Thus TJHCS was born and it now supplies house cleaning services from Lands End almost up as far as Truro. The service is available at just £4 per hour and those concerned about their personal safety should take comfort in the fact that only 13% of the customer base has taken a bashing from their cleaners and there have been as yet no fatalities. Says Mike, "The buzness is rockin' 'ere. We're coinin' it in! I've booked up fer 7 days 'oliday over Sennen. Cash on the nail!"
The business has boomed. He now has 746 singing employees out working for the company and praising the Lord all over Cornwall. It is expected that the service will launch out over the Tamar into England next month.
Negotiations have also been held with the Liechtenstein Lutheran Church to import this successful recipe for 'working whilst praising' into that country.
He says, "Th'idea come to me in a flash - get your kids interested in the wider worl' with Cuddly Political Dolls!!"
From his Boskednan headquarters and factory (employing 2,500 people) his company now turns out thousands of versions of dolls of 'Cute Lovable Margaret Thatcher, Romantic Arthur Scargill, 'Brummie boy' idol Enoch Powell, 'Big softie really' Bob Crow and soulful Melanie Philips. Apparently, the favourite doll is Daring Dick Cole, set to become an MP, overseas in Westminster.
Xen asks us to point out that the 'adult' version of the inflatable Margaret Thatcher doll is now available for men (3 A4 batteries provided, but no bicycle pump. He further advises that the sell-out 'adult' version of the inflatable Margaret Beckett doll is now out of stock.
