Marazion Impresario, Ivan Organ, (52) is facing a class legal action in the Relubbus courts from 1,000 angry drama students from around West Penwith who were seduced into parting with £500 each to become registered as an ‘Organ Extra’.
Organ, pictured left, achieved international recognition for his undoubted skills as a clapper board operator in Relubbus TV export favourites such as Emergency Ward 9; Mr Pasty; The Nighttime Adventures of the Lonely Ranger with his partner, Rio Tinto; Monday Night at the Relubbus Panopticon and Bollocks from Botallack, the intriguing and popular late night Arts talk show for naturists.
Organ's career had fallen into something of a lull and he had been forced into working as a car part attendant in the field opposite the Mount in order to make ends meet. He then decided to set up a business supplying extras to the Relubbus media industry, in which his clapper board has made him a known face. He targeted the aspiring stars and starlets of West Penwith.
Plausibly, he explained to them all that they could not expect to begin their acting careers as high earners in Hollywood. Firstly, they would need to gain valuable experience and the easiest way to do this would be by working as an extra. As he maintains now, he could - and he did - provide them with valuable work experience.
The aggrieved would-be stars maintain that they have gained no media experience at all.
Mr 
Organ’s legal representative, Mr M. T. Head, pictured left, roundly dismissed such claims.
He declared, in a written statement, “Mr Organ procured an opportunity for all 1,000 students to work as extras in the crowd during the recent Cornish Pirates versus Relubbus rugby match. This match was broadcast over Relubbus radio and eight listeners have testified to the fact that, beneath the running commentary, they could distinctly hear crowd noises. It cannot be denied that some of these noises will have been made by the extras. Accordingly, Mr Organ has kept his word and given them all media exposure as promised.”
Margot Lesquick (21) currently a trainee hairdresser but also an aspiring starlet and an 'Organ Extra' declared, tearfully chewing on her cigar, "That bleddy bastard ‘ave took all my savin’s! I'm worried silly I am and my enty duh say that I duh now look 60 year older!
"We all ‘ad to pay to get in to see that rugby too - which I duh ‘ate anyway – an’ we weren’t never on the telly or nuthin. We were mixed in with the rugby crowd and no one couldn’t never ‘ear me. My Dad’s gunna find out where Organ duh live and ee’s goin roun there to giv’un a bleddy smack in the mouth!!”
It emerged that Mr Organ has decamped to France, where he is staying at Chateau NatWest with an old business acquaintance, Sir Fred Goodwin (a man regarded by many as a similar robber), until things cool down a bit.
The Roundup will pursue this story further.
ANGRY DRAMA STUDENTS DEMAND THEIR MONEY BACK
LONELY HEARTS THAT YEARN FOR YOU
The Roundup has achieved enormous success in bringing together lonely people who are looking for love in West Cornwall.
Indeed, following the international attention the Roundup has received after its perceptive coverage of the Eurovision Song Contest, it may well be that some of our international readers might like to make contact with some of the special people we present today.
We do also invite international readers to view our older posts covering such interesting items as politics with insightful articles on Bush/Putin, Sarkozy and with special focuses on foreign embassies in Relubbus ; culture with a particular emphasis on poetry and music; and a host of other fascinating offerings including our famous FREE dating facility - Lonely Hearts. Don't forget to POST A COMMENT before you go.
We make no charge for our Lonely Hearts service and simply regard its free provision as being another hallmark of socially responsible journalism. Here are some more folk who are looking for love... from you?
Willy Bosiddick (32) is a well-known milkman from Rosudgeon, the gay capital of West Cornwall. Despite living in this "den of Sodom", as it has been designated by a succession of Methodist fundamentalist preachers, Willy is firmly heterosexual in orientation. He is, in fact, also married with 7 children. Having been married to the same person since the age of 16, he now wishes to experiment further, though only with willing single women, as he fervently insists, revealing a concealed poetic bent, "Despite coming from 'ere (Rosudgeon), I ain't bleddy queer!"
Willy insisted on being photographed wearing this papier mache head so that his wife, Rosemary, wouldn't recognise him. As he says "If she duh see this and duh knaw i's me, I'll get bleddy 'ell." We did try to warn him... Ladies, if you are interested in a man who claims to be the soul of discretion itself, then Box 5682 is the one for you.
Horton Baragwaneth (29) is a fully qualified dentist with his own surgery in Zennor. Horton is a sensitive man, who was badly hurt by an affair some years ago with a girl who worked in the Warrens shop in Market Jew Street. Having been single for some years now -- after his unfortunate affair -- Horton is ready to try again with someone who could share the interests he has acquired in the interim.
Horton is a collector. He has never thrown a tooth away and now has 1,769 samples, all labelled. Branching our from dentistry, he also has one of the largest stool samples in West Cornwall, thanks to the specially adapted patients' toilet in his surgery. He eagerly admits that he is only 27 away from his first 1,000 in this collection. Ladies, if you would like to share Horton's life and his collections, write in to Box 4571.
Irene Upton O'Good (42) is an Irish potter working in Sancreed. Irene took up pottery during her second stretch in prison. Shy about past achievements, she will not say what she was in for, beyond saying that "it will be the last time that bastard ever screws another woman". She is a member of the Sancreed branch of Pyromaniacs Anonymous.
A gifted virtuoso castanets player, Irene is devoted to developing her artistic side. She does not wish to return to prison and is therefore looking for a quiet relationship with a man (or woman, a taste acquired in prison) who can offer a home to her and her thirty two pet weasels. Box 7629
Terry/Teri Angwin (25) is a tranvestite electrician from Hayle. A bearded, 25 stone, club-footed hulk of a man, he is able -- in the evenings -- to transform himself into the dream young woman on the left and assumes the name Teri.
Terry plays in the back row for the Cornish Pirates rugby team, none of whom know about his feminine side, although Terry tells us that he had a hot night with one of them when he had put on his make-up to become Teri. Clearly a complex character, Terry/Teri would like a relationship with an understanding man, who would accept Terry's life as an electrician and a rugby player. Box 5683
Madron Pengelly (56) is a butcher from St Just, who was divorced from his second wife just a year ago, after she discovered him in the cellar with their Labrador dog.
Madron is a keen member of the Old Cornwall Society, a member also of two different male choirs, and is a bellringer. He still plays with the Meccano set he received as boy of ten and enjoys all card and board games.
He is pictured here with his organ, his favourite possession, and would like to find someone new in his life who will enjoy his organ as much as he does. As a bachelor he lives on shop pasties and Jelbert's ice cream. His dream will be complete if he can find "a good woman, 'oo can cook proper!" Box 5673
Gaspar Ruiz (76) is a former Cardinal from the USA, who retired to Cornwall following certain allegations. Conspicuous in Tremethick Cross because he still wears all the regalia of his former office, Gaspar is on orders to keep a low profile. He has joined the local Men's knitting circle and has also joined the queue for a place in the Tregavarah Bowls Club.
A keen pipe smoker -- getting through two tins of Dunhill's Early Morning pipe tobacco each day -- Gaspar is keen to form a pipe-smoking club in Tremethick Cross. He is keen to hear from anyone -- man or woman -- who would like to join his club. He would be particularly keen to hear from anyone else in Tremethick Cross who wears -- or would like to wear -- clerical garb like him. Box 5734.
