The Roundup can bring you the startling news that one of Tolcarne's most popular and hitherto upstanding inhabitants - Mr Maurice "Hairclip" Metherell (32), a local butcher and favourite Scout leader - has been leading a double life.
Whilst he can sometimes come across as effeminate, he has been most helpful to the boys in encouraging them to explore their 'feminine side' in true 21st century metrosexual style.
Under Metherell's leadership they were the first scout troop to develop skills in hairdressing and home-baking.
These early successes were quickly followed by tutelage and skills in manicure, spray tan and the arts of the air steward.
Advertising on the internet, Maude Pengelly secured suitors from as far away as Padstow ( a 'Mr Stone', a local chef).
Her undoing came when she received a visit from a Mr 'John Smith', who turned out to be none other than Mr Willy Botheras (62) from Pendeen, the Cornish Chief Scout and a man well known to "Mr Metherell".
As neither party was wearing the strong glasses they both require, it took a minute or two before the penny dropped.
However, drop it surely did and, as they say in Sennen, the encounter ended "sooner'n it begun' in a scene of mutual embarrassment.
Tolcarne is now advertising for a new Scout leader and the Pengelly caravan was last seen heading for Padstow in a hurry.
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JOIN MARAZION METHODIST PADDLING CLUB!!
Love the sea, but can't swim?
Does standing in deep water make you want to 'go'?
Do you find the bathing costumes of today indecent?
We know the problem and we know how to deal with it at the Marazion Methodist Paddling Club (MMPC).
At the MMPC:
- We don't wear indecent costumes.
- We don't go out into water more than four inches deep.
- For safety reasons, we always take the waters in groups of no less than ten, one of whom is always attached by rope to a stout tree on shore.
- We start every paddling expedition with a rousing rendition of William Whiting's 'Eternal father strong to save' - No. 917 in the Methodist Hymn Book.
If you are 21 or over, you are welcome to join us at a cost of just £756 per season.
For this:
You will receive a 'certified decent' handknitted costume in which you can paddle.
You will receive an intensive three week paddling safety course.
Thereafter you will be able to join us in safe paddling and song on Marazion beach!
CALLING PARENTS AND YOUNGSTERS EVERYWHERE!
FREE YOURSELVES FROM THE EVILS OF THE INTERNET
Using this radio, you will find that you can only listen to wholesome family programmes from around the world.
The radio, which comes in a fetching and handy 3ft square walnut-effect box is pre-tuned to receive only Methodist Radio Relubbus and ten other Methodist stations around the world (1 in Devon and the others elsewhere in Cornwall).
You can sing along with your favourite hymns and even listen to your own requests, if you sre lucky enough to have had them selected from the many hundreds of thousands that are sent in.
For the technically minded, there is a dial with which you can adjust the volume. However, be careful! You can only listen to this radio set with headphones (2 sets supplied) and you might damage your ears, if you turn the volume up too high.
Parents are advised to listen with their youngsters for the first couple of years until they can be sure that the volume dial is not being abused.
The really interesting feature is the Morse device, which will permit your youngster to communicate with other youngsters. This is guaranteed to give them hours of good clean honest fun.
In view of the potentially addictive nature of this equipment, it is strongly recommended that parents strictly control and limit children's access to it.
Parents are advised not to let the youngster near the equipment until AFTER the homework has been done AND checked.
The Methodist Institute for Juvenile Physical and Mental Health recommends that all youngsters still wearing short trousers (i.e. under 21 years of age) should be permitted no more than 30 minutes fun before they return to the family Scrabble table of an evening.
