POLITICAL COMPLICATIONS IN CORNWALL

On the borders of Relubbus all is not not well..  A dispute has broken out between the People's Repubic of Hayle and its breakaway religious  state, the Extreme Methodist (including Wesleyan, United, Primitive and Bible Christian) Fundamentalist State of Angarrack.

Hayle (Republyk Gwerynek Heyl) is, of course, a somewhat bleak Communist state ruled firmly, and indeed harshly, by Stalinist dictator Tregavarah Ventongimps. 

However, Ventongimps' mother, 102 year old Agnes (pictured here), is a devout Catholic and, for this reason, Hayle is tolerant of religion and has a thriving Church.

Thanks to her support, the Church often acts as a brave, but largely ignored, voice for broader freedom in the depressingly sombre and suffocating gloom of this Communist paragon.

Angarrack ("The rock" in Kernowek) is a Methodist Fundamentalist police state rigidly controlled by His Extreme Holiness Ayatollah 'Arry ben Jago, who is never without a microphone.  'Arry prides himself on having no more flexibility than a rock.

'Arry is much given to public executions and firmly believes that they serve the purpose of renewing public commitment to the state. In the quest to find victims for the monthly executions, offences as light as parking on a double yellow line can suffice to bring you to an early meeting with your Maker.

If your face doesn't fit, then that too will suffice.  It is a case of this sort that has captured the attention of Angarrack-watchers, who are scandalised by the routine barbarity meted out to the long-suffering inhabitants of this rogue state.

Lowda Gof is a 23-year-old mobile nail technician who was caught parking on a double yellow line.  On top of that she was pronounced a vampire and condemned to death next month.

Unfortunate-looking Lowda has, however, captured the hearts of many Angarrack-watchers.  In her own tearful words, she says, "I aren't no bleddy vampire. I ebbent drunk no blood nur nuthin ligat.  I jes got funny teeth.  I put my 'ands up - I done the double yellow, but I was bustin' to go toylit.  You duh knaw - one o they 'mergencies after a dicky curry las' night."

Her plight has attracted the sympathy and active support of the Bishop of Hayle Towans, the charismatic, but unconventional man who has won the powerful patronage  of Agnes Ventongimps.

The Bishop, Ludwig Katzenfurz (49) from Liechtenstein, believes that a camel is the appropriate form of transport in such a sandy place as Hayle Towans. 

Having acquired one at great expense from Morocco, he has now grown curiously - and some say romantically - attached to the beast, which he calls "Schatzi", which means 'darling' in German.

Bishop Katzenfurz, who speaks only German, said through his interpreter, "Zis girl has got a small problem viz her teece, vich only ze good attentions of a skilled dentist can help." 

He went on to say that the death penalty was an excessive punishment for parking on double yellow lines, when a simple public branding and whipping would have quite sufficed.

The support of Agnes Ventongimps for the Bishop has also brought the support of her son, Tregavarah, and thus the support also of the substantial, though antiquated, military apparatus of his Communist state.

Tregavarah has ordered up 10 divisions to the Hayle/Angarrack border in a threatening move calculated to force the leader of the much smaller Angarrack state to reconsider its execution policies.

Included in the military force is a camelcade of 120 clerics led by Biship Katzenfurz, who now views himself as some sort of romantic Lawrence of Arabia character.

The atmosphere is now one of extreme tension.  However, there is no danger that Relubbus itself will get drawn into any resulting conflict.

Speaking from the plush and spacious surroundings of his opulent caravan (with on-board flush toilet) parked at a secret location in Marazion for the summer break, Greater Relubbus Urban Council (GRUC) leader, Councillor Billy Spargo (116), said, "If they two wunna play silly buggers, tha's up to they.  I aren't gettin' involved!"

We will report further as the situation develops.

RELUBBUS INSTITUTE HONOURS LORD ARSECREEP

The hugely influential Relubbus Institute of International Relations has decided to award a special new prize to the infamous Belize resident and British non-dom, Lord Arsecreep.

The Institute is a much-respected authority on corporate governance, public ethics, and international justice.  It is the think tank of choice of the United Nations.  Indeed, Ban Ki Moon (66), UN Secretary General, sits on its board of trustees, along with other luminaries such as Nelson Mandela (92), Mother Theresa (deceased), Willy Curnow (deceased), and the Greater Relubbus Urban Council (GRUC) leader himself, Billy Spargo (115).

The Director of the Institute is none other than the internationally revered  A level student, Daniel "Snookered" Thomas (18), pictured left.

Mr Thomas spoke to a hastily convened gathering of the Relubbus and international press this morning to announce the decision of the Institute to confer a Special Award for Breathtaking Hypocrisy on the English Tory (or "Toy" -- they're only playing at it, after all) deputy chairman, Lord "Shaft You" Arsecreep.

Mr Thomas stated that a primary duty of all states was to raise taxes in a way that was fair to all and to expend the tax revenue in a way that served the best interests of all.

He explained that Lord Arsecreep (left) had secured for himself a pivotal role in the Toy party as deputy chairman responsible for improving the Toy party's performance in key marginals.  Arsecreep had hired his own staff to support him and had poured millions of (untaxed) funds into the task over the years - all funded by his company, Bare Arse Corporate Services.  Arsecreep had chucklingly confessed that  important records of this Bare Arse company had been mysteriously 'wiped clean', when called for by the House of Commons.

Now - under relentless pressure from the Relubbus and Cornish press and from a Mrs Agnes Trembath from up Heamoor -  Arsecreep had confessed that his embarassingly huge fortune had been piled up without being subject to UK or any other tax.

Never before had a deputy chairman of a political party been selected who avoided paying tax in the country his party aspired to rule.

Never before had a tax-avoider been ennobled on a promise of becoming a full resident (implication: "I'll pay taxes just as you taxed oiks do") without following through on the promise.

Never before in modern European history had a political party, like the Toy party, allowed itself to be bought and used in this way.

In recognition of this singular achievement, Lord Arsecreep is to receive a hand-carved bare arse  in sturdy Belize balsa wood lovingly fashioned by an imprisoned fraudster and tax avoider.

The Roundup's impeccably high standards of good taste prevent us from publishing a picture of a bare arse, but we can disclose that it is the sort of thing that would be revealed in all its hairiness, if one were to pan up the reverse of the photo on the left.

STOP PRESS:  The Roundup has learnt that even dimbo 'Kami-Kaze' Cameroon and his Eton cronies have finally twigged that associating with (let alone ennobling) Arsecreep is losing them the election.  In the Toy party HQ they are now desperately trying to coax a wary Arsecreep into the ejector seat.

UK ELECTION REPORT

From Chief Political Editor Denzil Archilaus Treglown-Trevail, shown here reading his own article

The countdown to the Westminster elections has begun and the political parties are flexing their muscles for the quinquennial "I'm tons better than you" playground tussle, which is relied upon to deliver government in the UK.  Well, you get what you deserve!

Meanwhile UK citizens look, in a mix of stupefaction and sheer envy, at Relubbus, and the benevolent dictatorship of  His Sereneness Grand Council Leader Billy Spargo (124), whose charmed presence causes the state of Relubbus to rise from strength to strength.

Accordingly, we take a look at how the UK election is shaping up in Cornwall, also taking the the time to look a little more closely at some of the fringe parties that are dreaming that now their time has come.

Whilst in the UK generally the Conswervative party seems to have managed to acquire a following of, at least, three or four in some major towns and cities, in the Duchy of Cornwall there are only two Conswervatives, shown here out canvassing. 

They are "Binky" Stopes-Mubbsley-Thorpe (31) and his old dormie pal, "Stinky" Chunderthwaite-Pithley-Twat (31).  Both chaps went to Eton College and had 'a damned good time'!  Both then went into City brokerage firms (co-incidentally owned  by their fathers) and, despite losing very large sums of money, still managed to secure "a bloody serious bonus, old chum!"

They are non-doms for UK tax purposes and insist that they maintain this unpopular tax-evading status only out of solidarity with the deputy chairman of the Conswervatives (Lawd Arsecross, 'the Belize Bulldozer') and not because it saves "absolutely spiffingly large wads of cash!"

Binky sums thing up for both of them when he says, "We chaps from Eton bloody well know what's good for us and also what's good for the oiks!  As good old Cammie-Khazi and Ozzie say - good Eton chaps both, don'tcha know - 'You can't get better than an Eton boater!' Vote Tory, we say!"

Many Kernow-watchers are amazed to discover that UKIP are at all active here, given that it is a party dominated by Little Englanders who don't care two hoots for Cornwall. 

It is also a source of open wonder that anyone in Cornwall can be found to stand for UKIP, when it is led by folk of the depressing calibre of the so dismally mentally-equipped Nige "Brain" Damage. 

Nige surpassed himself recently, when, clearly wetting himself with the excitement of being on camera again, he proceeded to insult the recently chosen, and now wholly bemused, European President, the Right Herbert Rumpy Pumpy.  Struggling to contain himself, Nige stated that Herbert had the charisma of a wet rag and the appearance of a low grade bank clerk, wholly overlooking the fact that he himself had the charisma of a low grade bank clerk and was obviously apparelled in very recently wetted rags. 

Clearly, in the European Parliament as elsewhere, birds of a feather will flock together.  Pundits reckon that, with administering of enough medication, UKIP could garner as many as 6, or possibly 7, votes in Cornwall.

The Methodist Fundamentalist Party (MFP), led by the Ayafella Oweedoinov AlKammbronn (150), has a strong following all over Cornwall.  Unlike mainstream Methodists, the MFP (sometimes known as the 'Cornish Taliban') represent an extreme form of their faith. 

They are utterly opposed to "drinkon', dancon', gamblon' and any wurkatha devil".  This latter category includes Darwin's teachings, Tesco, the motor car, toothpaste and the internet. 

The MFP stands for the banning of all English influences in Cornwall and for the introduction of pasties as the obligatory daily midday meal.  Everyone will be required to consume, at least, a "quarter a cream" daily. 

The MFP's election campaign is in the capable hands of Tommy Trembath (32) and his friend Billy Jory (29), pictured above.  The MFP is reckoned to be able to command 7.5% of the Cornish vote.

Druids of the Lodge of the Heamoor Bus Stop are campaigning on a pagan ticket. Their leader, Archdruid Lenny Gwavas (68) believes that the dawning of the age of druidism in Cornwall is nigh.  Fervent nationalists, they also believe that Cornwall should adopt paganism as the state religion once independence has been achieved.

Lenny himself is standing in the St Ives constituency and is relying on "they dencin' girls tuh bring in the votes fer we". 

Lenny has a group of five ladies who energetically campaign for him throughout West Penwith.  These ladies - all of whom work in Morrison's - are pictured here dancing at an election rally at the Minack.  For decency's sake, they are pictured here before they reached the nude sequence of their "offering in dance". 

They are, from the left, Rose Trenwith (62), Letitia Lutey (55), Geraldine Wakfer (72), Marcia Pender (63) and David Bolitho (53).  Lenny is confident that he will secure at least five votes.

Most people probably didn't even know that there was a Gay Shellfish-Processors Party (GSP) and some doubt its ability to appeal to those outside its primary target group of homosexuals employed in the shellfish processing industry. 

However the GSP candidate, Willy Trezise (43), pictured here with his husband, Billy Pender, is confident that the GSP will win in West Penwith.

He modestly declares, "I gotunall sussed out.  I aren't prejudiced 'genst people 'oo aren't queer.  They kent 'elpit.  Live and let live, tha's what I duh say.  Free bus travel fer Cornish people throughout the worl'.  Abolish income tax fer everyone 'oodern less than £25,000 a year.  Intreduce income tax o' 99% fer all they buggers 'oodern morn £30,000 a year.  Intreduce wealth tax o' £50,000 a year ferall they buggers 'oo got 'ouse worth morn £500,000.  I'll sortunall out faree!"

Election watchers estimate that the GSP will secure around 23% of the Cornish vote.

CELEBRITIES SPEAK OUT AGAINST THE NEW UNITARY AUTHORITY!

The Cartwrights of BONANZA (the hit Relubbus TV programme) – Ben, Adam, Hoss and Little Joe -- will be at the Wimpy Bar in Market Jew Street, Penzance next Monday between 10.00 am and 12.00 noon to sign autographs of their new book “5,456 reasons to oppose the Unitary Authority in Truro”.

The Cartwrights, who bought a ranch out near St Buryan back in 1964, are aid to be "mighty displeased" about the introduction of the Unitary Authority.

Ben Cartwright said that he had felt very well served by Penwith District Council, which offered a realistically local level of interaction between Council and people. The way things were going they might just have to saddle up and head out to Truro for a shoot-out with Lavery, the new Sheriff they do not like.

An alternative action would be to remove to the remit of the Greater Rubbus Urban Council (GRUC), which is led by the inspired leader, Billy Spargo (105).

Ernest Hemingway is usually reported as having sadly taken his own life in 1961. However, there are people in Morvah, who maintain that this is simply not so.

Now reportedly a reclusive but still very active writer living on the outskirts of Morvah, Hemingway is said to have produced several new books.

Amongst them are “To have a Unitary Authority and to have not Unity”, “The Bell Tolls for the Unitary Authority” and “A Farewell to the Unitary Authority.”

Meanwhile, in Urbs Relubbana, the miraculously surviving Roman colony in Cornwall, another mighty voice is raised – no less than that of Marcus Porcius Cato Uticensis. Once believed to have died long ago in 46 BC, this tenacious old man is in fact apparently still holding on in Urbs Relubbana.

After a distinguished career as a Stoic philosopher, politician and statesman, he is now working as a tour guide in the Roman colony and is said to be doing very well on it too.

In a surprise announcement he said, “Lavery non est probus. Lavery scelestus est!” This is believed to be a reference to the super-generous remuneration paid to the CEO of the new Cornwall Council, who earns more than the Prime Minister of Britannia. Cato is also believed to be angered that the will of Cornish voters was ignored.

Enjoying a posthumous holiday in St Buryan, great American comedienne and actress Lucille Ball, a mere 20 years dead, has been seen dallying with killer West Cornwall Lothario, Dan Kernow, deceased Penzance fish shop owner, in and around Penzance.

The happy couple have been spotted in Morrison’s, the Penzance Bookshop, the Exchange, Morrab Library, the Alexandra Inn (5 nights running) and even in the famed Diw Vowes lesbian guest house.

Lucille, once her lips could be prised from Stan’s limpet kiss, said, “This Unitary Council is a complete disaster and travesty of democracy!”

Fresh from their recent triumph at the Relubbus Panopticon Theatre, Pinky and Perky, the much-loved porcine pair who now have a love-nest in Gurnards Head, the gay (yes, their closely-guarded secret is now out!) piggy capital of Cornwall, also found time to express their outrage about the undemocratic process which led to the introduction of a Unitary Authority above the expressed will of the Cornish people.

Said a trembling Perky (on the left of the picture), “I know of no one – be they human or porcine – who actually voted for a Unitary Authority. It has taken decision-making away from the people at local level. It gives folks nothing and is about as helpful as me voting for pork pies!”

The Roundup will report on further celebrity interest in this matter, as it arises.

THE SHAPE OF THINGS TO COME IN BRITAIN!

By Cassius Dink, Professor of Modern Politics at Relubbus Oates University

There are those who might think that it is of little concern to the fortunate folk of Relubbus what transpires in the lands beyond Cornwall. In a sense, this is correct, since the economic might of Relubbus frees it from any concerns arising from the plunging fate of the UK, but it would be impolite to ignore what happens in that benighted state.

Furthermore, my professorial focus obliges me to map and comment upon not only the deliberations of state in Relubbus but also upon the fate of lesser states. Accordingly, I present my view of the twisting yarn of fate in the UK.

Skewered on the twisting spike of his own inadequacies, Gordon Brown, the bruised and bloodied bull of British politics retires from view each day to lick his wounds and to avoid the cruel barbs of the frenzied mob and the burning comment of the blazing Sun, before emerging to get battered yet again.

It is at this point that we must pause from viewing this scene of his daily humiliation to take a look at one who would claim to be his likely successor.

Political son of Tony Blair and grandson of St Margaret of Finchley, David Cameron (pictured here with his principal Etonian pal, Osborne) has wide-ranging plans to reform the British State and we take a look at some of these.

Having analysed information from Tory HQ generously supplied to me by the Relubbus Intelligence Police (known by comics as “The Undead” after their acronym RIP), I will comment on 5 Cameron levers of change, which reveal the essence of his true plan, which is to shrink (that’s not ‘sink’ – Ed) the State of Britain.

Disadvantaged Heroes

Cameron believes that the real heroes of Britain are those noble folk, who take on the burden of expenditure in place of the State. This happens in, say medicine or education, where private individuals opt out of claiming on the state-provided service and pay privately for their needs, as Cameron’s daddy did, in his own case, by paying for him to go to Eton.

These selfless heroes pay via National Insurance for the education and medical treatment of others (such as the labouring man on the left) whilst, at the same time, paying huge extra amounts to cover the cost of their own education and medicine privately.

A Cameron government sees provision of tax relief for these heroes as an early priority.

Under a Cameron true blue Tory government, the full cost of private education and medicine will, in future, be able to be off-set against tax in order to relieve the undue financial pressures on these selfless heroes.

Help for handicapped private schools

Whilst State schools enjoy huge flows of money from the taxpayer to completely support them, struggling private schools (such as Eton - here left) up and down the country enjoy no such help. Whilst they may be outstanding providers of quality education, they have to struggle, along with the self-sacrificing parents of their pupils, to carefully husband precious resources in order to keep standards up.

A Cameron government will halve the money currently being handed over to the State sector and pass it on to the hard-pressed private sector. With tears welling up in his eyes, Cameron has often been heard to say “I will even things up a bit. As a member of Eton’s 6^th reserve croquet team, it was source of great shame that we couldn’t afford to have our own croquet lawn just like the other five teams."

Civil service shake-up – here come Windsor Associates

The staff of the Civil service will be reduced to zero and the paltry few ‘necessary’ functions that remain will be taken up by a private firm called Windsor Associates. Like the Tory front bench most of the staff will be ex-Etonians, as the name gives away. However, to prove absence of bias and even-handedness, some staff might be drawn from other public schools like the ranks of Harrow or even, at a pinch, Stowe.

Plans show that Windsor Associates will supply 12 staff to take over the Treasury, 12 staff to take over the Foreign Office, the Home Office and the Ministry of Defence and all remaining departments will be closed with their prime central London locations to be sold off to raise urgently required funds.

Social Inclusion

Baroness Warsi of Dewsbury will spearhead the reform of British society, which is the primary goal of the Cameron Tory government. Labour seems to have prided itself on looking after the interests of the many.

However, under Labour rule, no one was looking after the interests of minorities, such as the very few people who earn in excess of £5 million a year. Warsi will change all that. She will be assisted in this task by Jonathan Woss, a member of a tiny oppressed minority of £6 million plus per annum earners, who will join her in the Lords as Baron Wossi of Wadio.

Under a new Tory government, Warsi and Wossi are understood to have agreed to immediately end all benefits payments – for ever. Millions of people have been receiving handouts totalling billions each year. Speaking in her fluent Dewsbury, Warsi is quoted as saying, “the kuntry kant afford it n’ more. It’s time for tuff luv!”

This policy will be buttressed and supported by a new Act of Enclosure.

The Act of Enclosure

Large areas of the UK will be ‘enclosed’ or fenced off. These will automatically include the Council Estates (like the one shown here) on which most former benefits recipients live and any other former benefits recipients will be shipped into the enclosed areas.

This action will lead to vast savings. ‘Enclosees’ will be required to ‘stand on their own two feet’. They will receive no State aid. There will be no policing, no free hospitals, no free doctors. However, there will be banks and shops, private healthcare providers – all the facilities of modern life, all heavily guarded and available to anyone at all – at a price.

These are just some of the secret plans of Leader Cameron, who sees himself as the man, the Leader, who can lead the country out of the economic mire into which the Labour party has taken it.

Indeed, it has emerged that, in the comfort of his own bath tub, he would prefer to be known, following his link up with certain right wing groups in Europe, by the German version of his title, der Führer.

Rupert Murdoch, the saintly mega multimedia Australian press Overlord has himself deigned to support Cameron. He has instructed his roboslaves in Sky and the paper rags he commands to ‘put the bloody knife in Brown and give it a daily twist from me! He was me best mate once, but now he looks like a bloody loser, hang ‘im out to dry!’

Speaking to Cameron from the luxurious confines of the outback dunny, in which he believes he makes his best contributions to life, he was overheard telling Cameron that there is no such thing as a free lunch. He is said to have instructed that Cameron must get the Queen to abdicate and offer the throne to “my boy, James”.

So, one wonders, will he do it? Well, Cameron has been overheard by the RIP singing in his bath tub “King James’s men will understand what Cameron's lads can do….”

Don’t miss the next 'Christmas Preparations' special issue of the RELUBBUS ROUNDUP!!!

UK POLITICS REVIEW - DEFIANT GORDON INSISTS HE'S GOT BALLS!!

Barely stabilised by the comfort blanket of the trappings of power in Downing Street, Gordon Brown refused to recognise the growing rolling force of the polling figures, which place his Labour Party at its worst ever standing since the days of Keir Hardy.

As the full extent of the woodworm of corruption in Labour’s body politic was revealed, even disgraced Government Ministers have been thinking out loud about life after parliament and politics.

Hazel Blears, who recently failed in her attempt to secure a post with the Greater Relubbus Urban Council (GRUC), is now set to bring out a book entitled “Motor Cycle Maintenance on Expenses”, whilst Alisdair Darling (pictured here in one of his eccentric toilet photographs) is also bringing out his own tax guide entitled ‘Capital Gains Tax and Flipping Houses’.

However, it is now believed that Brown has been forced to accept that the time has come to say “farewell Darling”. This will be achieved in a major re-shuffle to be announced later this week.

Despite a failed attempt to lure Archie Trezise (84), bookkeeper for Shelley’s Hair & Beauty at St Just, to be the new Chancellor of the Exchequer, Brown is said to be reasonably content to have to fall back on his No.2 choice, Ed Balls, the 12-year-old short-trousered gofer in the Schools Ministry, to take on the job.

Although Balls (pictured here playing after school with his best mate 'Angela' Burnham) is known to have learning difficulties -- particularly where arithmetic is concerned -- he is very loyal and ‘respectful’, where Brown is concerned, always referring to him as "Sir".

In a desperate attempt to appeal to the country with a re-shuffled government of all the talents to keep himself in a job and in funds, Brown is known to have approached several ‘big names’. His dream cabinet would include “The Lone Ranger’ at the Foreign Office, assisted by ‘Tonto’ (stage name Hughie Green) as Home Secretary, Lassie the Dog as Defence Minister, and Pinkie and Perkie to take on the Health and Education briefs.

Apparently, no one has had the heart to tell poor old Gordy that these dreams are not realisable, because these personages are no more.

However, all is not exactly well in the Tory camp either. The Tory Boy Eton Shadow cabinet (which still practises ‘fagging’) is apparently led by a ‘David Cameron’.

However the Roundup can exclusively reveal that DNA analysis has shown that Cameron is none other than an old - yes, very old - Tory friend.

Underneath the copious make-up, one can clearly see that he is nothing other than Sir Alec Douglas Home. The Tories seem to be serving up warmed-up Old Etonians, behind a two-man diversionary shield of Tubby Pickles and Baldie Hague, in the hope that we will not notice this blatant attempt by ‘the ruling class’ to re-assert their seigneurial rights over the people.

The ‘plausible alternative’ cover of the Liberals was blown by ex-leader Minger Campbell (209), when he claimed on Question Time that non-adherence to the House of Commons rules was explained by the fact that they were ‘just guidance’. New Leader, Click Nugg (17) has been desperate to try to scramble past that dreadful sentence, which wrecked a lifetime in politics for old Minger. Nugg has desperately tried to get to some higher ground, but, alas, all in vain.

Then there are the fringe parties. Foremost amongst these for sheer eccentricity is UKIP, led by fanatic mental patient, ‘nervous’ Nigel Barrage. ‘Nervous’ is kept near stable by the efforts and entire chemical output of Glaxo Smithkline. However, so tenuous is his link to the realms of normal human consciousness that no one but other folk mentally maintained by chemical outputs can be expected to favour him and his odd crew.

The BNP was almost not mentioned at all here following a fatwah to that effect by the Methodist Fundamentalist Bishop of Relubbus, His Proper Job Eminence Ernie Penrose. However, since the Bloody Nazi Party (BNP) will be fielding candidates in the forthcoming elections, we feel that it must be covered.

Since the benighted folk (pictured is the leader they really wish to have) who vote BNP have not noticed that there is no longer a Reichstag, representation within which they are ‘fighting’ for, any idiot who wishes to support them may feel free to do so, although this may not (but probably will) qualify them for residential treatment in a secure home.

This leaves the Green Party, led by the ultra-photogenic Laroline Cukas, who advocates replacing airplanes with hot air balloons. Providing that the balloons are two-person vehicles and that my ‘driver’ will be Laroline, they would get my vote.

But that is all academic, since I am a proud and happy citizen of Spargo’s Relubbus!!