ENGLISH HERITAGE ADMIT MISTAKES

BUT REQUIRE LOCAL HELP TO PUT THINGS RIGHT

To their credit, English Heritage have finally taken on board the depth of resentment in Cornwall about Cornish Celtic and pre-Celtic sites being administered by an unelected body calling itself "English Heritage", under a banner based on the red-and-white flag of England.

Speaking at EH's South Western headquarters in Bristol yesterday, EH South West's Chief Administrative Officer, Mr Kyron Bunt, admitted:

"We got it wrong. It was a crass error to annex Cornish Celtic sites in the name of English heritage, and we apologize profusely. As evidence of our regret and good intentions, we intend to redesign our Cornish logo and flag. In future, instead of the standard red-and-white English Heritage emblem, in Cornwall only we shall be using a new design, based on the flag of St Piran.

The newly designed English Heritage flag for Cornwall, flying at Launceston Castle

"Unfortunately, due to budget and manpower restraints, we won't be able to replace the signs, logos, and flags at all our Cornish sites immediately. In fact, it could take several years.

"For this reason, we are asking the Cornish public to assist us. Please help us by overwriting the old, red-and-white English Heritage logo, wherever you find it, with the new, "St Piran" version. While you're about it, it would also be a good idea to replace the "English rose" logo that occurs on many road signs that point to tourist destinations. On metal surfaces such as road signs, you will find black and white enamel paints very useful for this purpose.

The recommended way to amend "English rose" road signs

"The other items we need to replace, in Cornwall, are the old-design flags. Again, our limited budget prevents us from doing this in a timely fashion. We would be most grateful, therefore, if members of the public could donate St Piran flags, and replace the old flags with these. This would be a very worthwhile donation to Cornish heritage."

The Roundup salutes the management of English Heritage for its humility, courage, and foresight and strongly encourages all readers to help as much as they can with the re-branding exercise in Kernow. Why wait?? Why not start this week?? Why not start today??

OUTRAGE OVER COST OF NEW LAMORNA BUS SHELTER!!

Council Leader Accused of Condoning "Unjustifiable Expense"
By Planning Correspondent Rendell Janner

Yesterday's meeting of the Greater Relubbus Urban District Council (GRUC) was the scene of vitriolic exchanges between Councillor Pascoe Trembath and Council Leader Billy Spargo, as the former accused the latter of condoning reckless spending in the case of the new Lamorna Cove bus shelter, pictured below.

The new shelter cost some £24.5 million and took two years to construct. It is highly ornate and accordingly somewhat different from the usual Western National bus shelter.

Mr Spargo stated forcefully that the structure would add to the appeal of Lamorna Cove and that its construction had kept good Cornishmen in employment over the two year period.

Mr Spargo also pointed out that the construction company concerned was a start-up company -- Relubbus Erections -- run by two Relubbus boys just out of school, one being the nephew of Mr Spargo's wife. How much more Cornish could one get than that?

It is not only the outside of the building that is so highly ornate. Inside too, it is a delight to the eye: the interior, which was separately priced, cost an additional £24.5 million.

The shelter, which can accommodate a queue of some 400, has a strong religious theme. We show here the corner of the building which houses the high altar. The shelter will be manned by two priests, who will hold services and take confession whilst passengers wait for the once-weekly bus service to Penzance to arrive.

Councillor Trembath worked himself up to a fit of fury as he spat out one "bleddy" after another in righteous indignation over the level of expenditure.

Councillor Spargo, a wily veteran of angry exchanges in the chamber, himself grew visibly more and more annoyed by the high-pitched squealing emanating from his Council colleague. But then, like an elephant demolishing a beetle with a deliberate plodding foot, he called out to Councillor Trembath what must be the ultimate put-down, "Asshole, you duh think you're so smuckin' fart!"

As the council chamber dissolved into a wash of helpless laughter at this display of original wit, the crestfallen Trembath picked himself up from his chair and silently dragged himself from the chamber -- a defeated man.