GAY NEWS: THE "PINK LANDSHARK"

The Roundup is proud to be able to present the first sneak photograph of Belgian auto designer Willy Bender's design concept car for the gay market, which has been named the Pink Landshark in honour of the famed leading champion of Gay Rights in Cornwall, the otherwise shy and retiring Landshark.

Known to the cognoscenti as an incorrigible habitué of the Goldsithney gay bar scene, the Landshark is an outspoken and indefatigable defender of gay rights. Accordingly, many Goldsithney gays applaud the fact that his dedication to the gay scene has been recognised and honoured by the naming this car after him.

Some have wondered why this fearless protagonist and celebrant of same sex relationships has adopted the unusual name "Landshark". It is indeed a name resonant with meaning. The online dictionary defines as a "landshark" one who swindles sailors on shore. But all the many sailors who are familiar with the "Landshark" have assured that he always reliably gives good value.

No, his name has another provenance. Laughing in the face of prejudice, which sees homosexuality as a "deviation" from the norm, the Landshark wears his name with unabashed, and indeed gay, pride, since for him the "deviation" is as great as it could be and he wishes to trumpet that fact, for when did anyone ever see a shark living on land?

Even in today's world, there are still benighted individuals -- as darkly dim and as rabidly anti-homosexual as the absurdly named, but thankfully late, L. Ron Hubbard -- who would deny gay people equal rights. It is a little known fact that the "L" in L. Ron Hubbard in fact signifies "Landshark" (and not "Lafayette" as some foolish folk believe) -- a little jest on Mother Hubbard's part, perhaps. The Cornish Landshark takes Hubbard's name and turns it against him in his triumphantly gay lifestyle, spiced up with recreational drugs.

All this has now won him the accolade of a Bender car designed in his honour.

Mr Bender's car incorporates many novel design features -- we name but a few:

• The bodywork is fashioned from stretched bubble gum, making the car exceedingly light.
  
• The vehicle has no standard brakes -- it is operated by pedals, which propel the car forwards. Reverse pedalling swiftly brings the car to a halt.
  
• All seats have pedals below them so that maximum speeds (38 mph?) can be reached when the car is full and there are five pedallers.
  
• The absence of engine makes this pink machine in reality also a green machine.

The Bender car will be presented to the Landshark outside his favourite bar in Goldsithney -- the Over Backwards -- next Tuesday at 7.00 pm.