DO YOU KNOW THIS MYSTERY WOMAN???

People all over West Cornwall have been encountering a mystery woman, pictured below, who stops them, and asks "How do you do?" and "What do you do?" in an affected way, which suggests she believes that the innocent accostee knows who she is, which they never do.

She has been spotted in Morrison's, in the KWOP and at Lidl's in Penzance. She has also been seen loitering with intent outside the flagship RC Oates Supestore in Relubbus.

Some suspect that she is trying to emulate the celebrity of Lily Nichols, the ex-bag lady from Perranuthnoe, who is widely admired in Cornwall for having conned large sections of the gullible English media into believing that she is an aristocrat, namely the wife of the so-called Duck of Cornwall.

Lily's impersonations are particularly effective when she is accompanied by her friend from the home with his impressive set of false ears.

Maybe the mystery lady is after the same acclaim as Lily, to whom she bears a strong resemblance, except in the matter of body odour, where she has way to go to match Lily's virulent pungency.

Quite apart from her strong physical similarity to Lily Nichols, she also resembles her in that she likes a good roll-up, and has been seen popping into various stores to top up her supplies of Old Shag and cigarette papers. She then starts badgering people for a light, saying things like, "I simply must smoke it here, Big Ears doesn't like it when I smoke at home!"

The mystery lady also like to take a drink or two, or three....