OUTRAGE OVER COST OF NEW LAMORNA BUS SHELTER!!

Council Leader Accused of Condoning "Unjustifiable Expense"
By Planning Correspondent Rendell Janner

Yesterday's meeting of the Greater Relubbus Urban District Council (GRUC) was the scene of vitriolic exchanges between Councillor Pascoe Trembath and Council Leader Billy Spargo, as the former accused the latter of condoning reckless spending in the case of the new Lamorna Cove bus shelter, pictured below.

The new shelter cost some £24.5 million and took two years to construct. It is highly ornate and accordingly somewhat different from the usual Western National bus shelter.

Mr Spargo stated forcefully that the structure would add to the appeal of Lamorna Cove and that its construction had kept good Cornishmen in employment over the two year period.

Mr Spargo also pointed out that the construction company concerned was a start-up company -- Relubbus Erections -- run by two Relubbus boys just out of school, one being the nephew of Mr Spargo's wife. How much more Cornish could one get than that?

It is not only the outside of the building that is so highly ornate. Inside too, it is a delight to the eye: the interior, which was separately priced, cost an additional £24.5 million.

The shelter, which can accommodate a queue of some 400, has a strong religious theme. We show here the corner of the building which houses the high altar. The shelter will be manned by two priests, who will hold services and take confession whilst passengers wait for the once-weekly bus service to Penzance to arrive.

Councillor Trembath worked himself up to a fit of fury as he spat out one "bleddy" after another in righteous indignation over the level of expenditure.

Councillor Spargo, a wily veteran of angry exchanges in the chamber, himself grew visibly more and more annoyed by the high-pitched squealing emanating from his Council colleague. But then, like an elephant demolishing a beetle with a deliberate plodding foot, he called out to Councillor Trembath what must be the ultimate put-down, "Asshole, you duh think you're so smuckin' fart!"

As the council chamber dissolved into a wash of helpless laughter at this display of original wit, the crestfallen Trembath picked himself up from his chair and silently dragged himself from the chamber -- a defeated man.