HEAMOOR MAN IN LOVE TRIANGLE!!

Kwop Garage attendant, Denzil “Combover” Angarrack (39) of Bramangath Cottage, Heamoor has achieved notoriety by becoming the first Heamoor man to marry two women – sisters – at the same time, in the Heamoor mosque, located at his home, Bramangath cottage.

Denzil, a natty man-about-town, well known to the folk of Heamoor for his daring hairstyle, seems well able to cope with his new-found fame.

The two sisters, Pat (32) and Trish (34) Tregellis of Colinsey Road, Treneere, are both ‘relationship therapy assistants’ in Penzance, although neither of them has yet received any convictions.

The two girls are thought to have been completely unswayed in their decision to marry by Denzil’s claims to have recently had a big win on the lottery. Further, they were clearly not put off by his previous girlfriend’s nickname for him of “magnifying glass”.

The previous girlfriend, Tamsin (formerly Terry) ‘Balls’ Wakfer (38) of The Shed, Boscathnoe, was claiming yesterday to be completely indifferent to the sudden marriage of her boyfriend for twenty five years (“We wuz in the Scouts t’gether!”).

When quizzed about her feelings outside the Heamoor outlet of the RC Oates Superstore in which she is a hygiene assistant, she stated “anyone goin’ fer they two tarts d’need their bleddy ‘eads read!”

Referring to the supposed lottery win, she added, “they’ll be as lucky t’ find any money as they will be t’ find anythin’ useful in ‘is trousers.”

The two sisters, Pat and Trish, have readily embraced Islam, as has Denzil, who has converted his utility room into a mosque (‘although I ‘ad to leave the washin’ machine in there or I would’ve ‘ad ‘ell from my mawther!’).

In Denzil’s rather liberal interpretation of Islam, the primary (and, indeed, sole) religious requirement is to eat a bar of Fry’s Turkish Delight occasionally and, whilst doing so, to "do the music as well, an’ the girls gotta do the dence!”

The excited sisters have worked out a bedroom rota for Denzil, although Denzil’s mother, Agnes (91), who lives at Bramangath, says that she will decide what goes on under her roof.

The Roundup will continue to report on this unusual romantic liaison.