ANGRY DRAMA STUDENTS DEMAND THEIR MONEY BACK

Marazion Impresario, Ivan Organ, (52) is facing a class legal action in the Relubbus courts from 1,000 angry drama students from around West Penwith who were seduced into parting with £500 each to become registered as an ‘Organ Extra’.

Organ, pictured left, achieved international recognition for his undoubted skills as a clapper board operator in Relubbus TV export favourites such as Emergency Ward 9; Mr Pasty; The Nighttime Adventures of the Lonely Ranger with his partner, Rio Tinto; Monday Night at the Relubbus Panopticon and Bollocks from Botallack, the intriguing and popular late night Arts talk show for naturists.

Organ's career had fallen into something of a lull and he had been forced into working as a car part attendant in the field opposite the Mount in order to make ends meet. He then decided to set up a business supplying extras to the Relubbus media industry, in which his clapper board has made him a known face. He targeted the aspiring stars and starlets of West Penwith.

Plausibly, he explained to them all that they could not expect to begin their acting careers as high earners in Hollywood. Firstly, they would need to gain valuable experience and the easiest way to do this would be by working as an extra. As he maintains now, he could - and he did - provide them with valuable work experience.

The aggrieved would-be stars maintain that they have gained no media experience at all.

Mr Organ’s legal representative, Mr M. T. Head, pictured left, roundly dismissed such claims.

He declared, in a written statement, “Mr Organ procured an opportunity for all 1,000 students to work as extras in the crowd during the recent Cornish Pirates versus Relubbus rugby match. This match was broadcast over Relubbus radio and eight listeners have testified to the fact that, beneath the running commentary, they could distinctly hear crowd noises. It cannot be denied that some of these noises will have been made by the extras. Accordingly, Mr Organ has kept his word and given them all media exposure as promised.”

Margot Lesquick (21) currently a trainee hairdresser but also an aspiring starlet and an 'Organ Extra' declared, tearfully chewing on her cigar, "That bleddy bastard ‘ave took all my savin’s! I'm worried silly I am and my enty duh say that I duh now look 60 year older!

"We all ‘ad to pay to get in to see that rugby too - which I duh ‘ate anyway – an’ we weren’t never on the telly or nuthin. We were mixed in with the rugby crowd and no one couldn’t never ‘ear me. My Dad’s gunna find out where Organ duh live and ee’s goin roun there to giv’un a bleddy smack in the mouth!!”

It emerged that Mr Organ has decamped to France, where he is staying at Chateau NatWest with an old business acquaintance, Sir Fred Goodwin (a man regarded by many as a similar robber), until things cool down a bit.

The Roundup will pursue this story further.