GYMKHANA WINNER -- A FRAUD!

Ripples of surprise, then dismay, then shock, disturbed the habitual calm of the Relubbus Gymkhana world when the 13-year-old winner of the hunt seat equitation (13-15 year olds), Lucinda Trumpton-Biggsley-Thorpe, on her pony, Trollope, was revealed to be none other than 60-year-old public convenience maintenance operative, Horton Trembath, riding his "favourite four-legger" Alfonso (pictured above).

Simply by wearing a sou'wester and speaking in a (now obviously) suspiciously high-pitched voice, Horton managed to convince the judges that he was a 13-year-old girl. Perhaps even more difficult to explain is the fact that the judges failed to observe that Horton's mount owed a lot more to bovine then equine ancestry.

It then emerged that none of the judges had driven to the event, but all had had to be chauffeured to it because of their poor vision. The chairman of the judges, Mr Jethro Bolitho, pictured on the left, and the only member of the fourteen judges not registered blind (but nonetheless suffering from very poor vision) did claim that he could distinctly perceive some movement when "that girl with the funny voice" came on. "She had to be worth the prize", he said, as he "couldn't see a bleddy thing when they other little maids was supposed to be on their 'osses!"

Outraged parents, all of them sighted, complained when the award was made to Mr Trembath, who, after receiving his prize from the judges, freely confessed to being "the toilet man from Morvah".