THE FACE THAT LAUNCHED A 1000...?

Pictured below is an angel of our health service, charming 28-year-old virgin, Sister Tamsin Roskilly from out Tregavarah. But is she more? Could she also be, as her mother now claims, the most beautiful girl there ever was?

Tamsin is, of course, very talented and this is evident in her already having become a Ward Sister at the West Cornwall Hospital, before the age of 30. She has also -- over the years -- assembled an impressive collection of 17 tame albino moles, with which she feels a great affinity.

Being extremely short-sighted, she has compensated by developing an acute sense of hearing, which enables her not only to locate objects but also to discern their colour and judge their weight, just by listening closely. The nursing staff have sometimes jokingly, but very fondly, referred to her as "the bat", because of her astounding abilities in this respect.

However, her mother Agnes now claims, in a revelation that has set the whole of Tregavarah gossiping, that her daughter is none other than the re-incarnation of the fabulous Helen, wife of King Menelaus of Sparta, the cause of the Trojan war and whose face, according to Homer, "launched a thousand ships".

We ask our readers to take a long lingering look into the eyes of Tamsin and see if they can then withdraw. There is, you will agree, a curious magnetic pull to those eyes -- a hypnotic power, which draws you ever further in -- behind the bottle end glasses into the soul of this chaste, but passionate, female.

In an instance of history repeating itself, Agnes Roskilly also revealed that a boat is to be launched (in the boating pond next to Lidl) and named after her daughter -- the Tamsin. The boat will be launched by her neighbour's 8-year-old son, Tommy, sometime during the summer half-term holiday. It will be crewed by Fidget, one of Tamsin's moles.

Mrs Roskilly would also be pleased to hear from any young Menelaus out there who is so struck by Tamsin's photo that he would like to meet her.