KWOP ANNUAL OUTING

ALMOST, BUT NOT QUITE, A SUCCESS AGAIN!
Staff at the Upper (top of Causewayhead) and Lower (Queens Square) Kwop in Penzance had their annual mystery charabanc tour last week.

Always hugely popular, each year there is the prospect of being taken off to some exotic mystery destination. Last year, the destination turned out to be Marazion beach. Wrapped up warm against the biting wind and driving rain, the jolly Kwop employees amused themselves playing beach games and managed to keep going until warm pasties and tea arrived. Devouring these quickly before they cooled, they then scuttled back into the waiting charabancs and set off on the long (three punctures) journey back home.
Pictured above is the happy crew before setting out last week -- and before the unfortunate incident

Yes, it's all smiles in the picture of last week's trip -- and why shouldn't it be? The destination turned out to be Land End -- always popular with the young folks.

On the left of the picture is the vehicle that developed the fatal brakes problem, which only became apparent when the driver (Dickie Trembath, 41, shown on the extreme left) was demonstrating to Betsy Clemo (25) on the extreme right "'jes 'ow fas' this li'l beauty can go and 'ow quick I can stop". Picking the scenically breathtaking final destination of Lands End for this impromptu demonstration proved to be the undoing not only of himself and of Betsy, but also, of course, of all the other occupants of the charabanc, as it went hurtling over the cliff's edge at Lands End at a speed of 52 mph...

The occupants of the other Kwop charabancs at first mistakenly thought that the rapidly disappearing vehicle had been hired out to visiting Japanese tourists of a kamikaze variety.

They then discovered, to their great dismay, that the entire cheese, bacon, bakery and tinned goods sections of the Upper Kwop had been "taken out" at a stroke.

It goes without saying that enjoyment of the rest of the outing was somewhat muted. Mr Addicoat (67), the general manager (pictured on the right wearing a hat and with a handkie in his top pocket), spent the rest of the day working out how to man the two shops with diminished staff numbers.

Meanwhile, the remainder of the staff put a brave face on it and, the weather being warm and benign, took off their coats and played rounders until the pasties and tea arrived.

Thus duly revived, and with many a mention of the need for taking on "the war spirit", our plucky KWOP operatives gave themselves over to, at first tentative, but then gradually increasingly enthusiastic nips of fortifying spirits supplied by Mr Addicoat.

All in all, the surviving members of the Kwop staff deemed the 2008 annual outing a great success.

If any readers have particular aptitudes in respect of the keeping of cheese, bacon or breads, they are asked to contact Mr Addicoat, who may well have good news for them in respect of lucrative employment in the Upper Kwop in Penzance.