The Roundup reveals the shocking truth about English plans for Cornwall
By Political Correspondent Rendell Janner
Following a recent Roundup report about the use of English Heritage as a tool for the Anglicisation of the Cornish, this newspaper has succeeded in obtaining details of a secret and shocking plan to eradicate Cornwall as we know it.
It is our duty to publish details of this dastardly plan. It will doubtless raise the fear temperature in Kernow to levels never reached before. It should also cause every right-thinking Cornish person to stand up and resist this looming evil, which is already well upon us.
The plan -- known in UK Government circles as Marina -- sees the indigenous Cornish gradually moved out by force of economic migration. The origins of the plan can be traced back many years to an unlikely collaboration between Winston Churchill and Sir Billy Butlin, in an objective called Holiday Camp Cornwall. In the original plan, the Cornish were merely to be turned into workers in England's largest holiday camp, in order to provide some dim lights of gaiety in gloomy 1950s Britain.
During the Thatcher years, this plan -- as did many others -- took on dark and sinister characteristics in the clammy, dead-hand grip of the funereally-smiling Home Secretary, Michael Howard, shown left.
Project Marina -- represented on his desk by a little fishing boat called Kernow, which he often fondled whilst hatching his chilling plans for the Cornish and others -- contains a number of key objectives.
The attainment of these goals has been consistently pursued by the upper echelons of the English Civil service and each of their political masters ever since. They are:
1) Tax breaks will be offered to people in the South East, earning more than £250,000 a year, who wish to buy a house in Cornwall for occasional holiday use only. No stamp duty will apply in such cases and purchasers will be able to offset the entire purchase against income tax.
2) The impact of point 1 will make it even more difficult for the Cornish to buy homes in their own land. As more and more homes are given over to occasional use, the necessary infrastructure to support local life (schools and medical services) will collapse. This will drive the Cornish out to the re-settlement areas in the brownfield sites of former industrial Northern England, which await them and the rest of the poor not fit to live in the South.
3) Social Housing will remain for some of the Cornish, since some menials will be required to service the needs of the rich, who will make infrequent, but loving, use of our land.
4) All Cornish names should gradually be replaced by full-blooded English names, such as Smallhampton for Truro and Holyhead instead of the alien-sounding "Penzance", so that English people can feel more at home. At the very end of the process, the name "Cornwall" should itself be replaced by the English-sounding West Wessex.
That is Project Marina. Already, all over Cornwall there are signs of development projects that are designed to benefit -- not the indigenous Cornish -- but those who are destined to take their place in West Wessex.
One such development project is that for the marina complex in the former Penlee Quarry between Newlyn and Mousehole, which will house yachts costing hundreds of thousands of pounds and offer dwellings (for part-time use, of course) at similarly high prices.
Clearly such amenities are not for the locals, who earn on average £13,000 annually, if they are lucky. This is just one of many projects designed to take Cornwall from its people, like taking a mother from her baby, and offer it to those who can pay, just like offering that mother to those who can pay.
The Roundup cornered the Press Officer of the Government Office of the South West, Mr Heinrich Zap-Kernow, as he made his way to Madam Zarah Strict for his weekly therapy visit. He tried to calm growing Cornish fears about loss of identity and indeed of homeland.
Mr Zap-Kernow, who only recently changed his name from Zap-Poland in an attempt to please the Cornish, stated that:
"The people of Cornwall, or West Wessex as it will shortly be known, have no need to fear the loss of their homeland, since, in the future, literally anyone with the necessary funds (income of £250,000 or disposable assets of £1 million) will be able to purchase a home in Cornwall -- and even live in it all year round, if they can tear themselves away from London and Waitrose for long enough. Quite frankly I can't see what all the fuss is about."
The Roundup feels that it is high time that the Cornish realise what is happening to Cornwall. Be alert, watch closely, analyse the changing elements, sharpen your wits and tongue, and speak out for Cornwall!
Editor
By Political Correspondent Rendell Janner
Following a recent Roundup report about the use of English Heritage as a tool for the Anglicisation of the Cornish, this newspaper has succeeded in obtaining details of a secret and shocking plan to eradicate Cornwall as we know it.
It is our duty to publish details of this dastardly plan. It will doubtless raise the fear temperature in Kernow to levels never reached before. It should also cause every right-thinking Cornish person to stand up and resist this looming evil, which is already well upon us.
The plan -- known in UK Government circles as Marina -- sees the indigenous Cornish gradually moved out by force of economic migration. The origins of the plan can be traced back many years to an unlikely collaboration between Winston Churchill and Sir Billy Butlin, in an objective called Holiday Camp Cornwall. In the original plan, the Cornish were merely to be turned into workers in England's largest holiday camp, in order to provide some dim lights of gaiety in gloomy 1950s Britain.
During the Thatcher years, this plan -- as did many others -- took on dark and sinister characteristics in the clammy, dead-hand grip of the funereally-smiling Home Secretary, Michael Howard, shown left.Project Marina -- represented on his desk by a little fishing boat called Kernow, which he often fondled whilst hatching his chilling plans for the Cornish and others -- contains a number of key objectives.
The attainment of these goals has been consistently pursued by the upper echelons of the English Civil service and each of their political masters ever since. They are:
1) Tax breaks will be offered to people in the South East, earning more than £250,000 a year, who wish to buy a house in Cornwall for occasional holiday use only. No stamp duty will apply in such cases and purchasers will be able to offset the entire purchase against income tax.
2) The impact of point 1 will make it even more difficult for the Cornish to buy homes in their own land. As more and more homes are given over to occasional use, the necessary infrastructure to support local life (schools and medical services) will collapse. This will drive the Cornish out to the re-settlement areas in the brownfield sites of former industrial Northern England, which await them and the rest of the poor not fit to live in the South.
3) Social Housing will remain for some of the Cornish, since some menials will be required to service the needs of the rich, who will make infrequent, but loving, use of our land.
4) All Cornish names should gradually be replaced by full-blooded English names, such as Smallhampton for Truro and Holyhead instead of the alien-sounding "Penzance", so that English people can feel more at home. At the very end of the process, the name "Cornwall" should itself be replaced by the English-sounding West Wessex.
That is Project Marina. Already, all over Cornwall there are signs of development projects that are designed to benefit -- not the indigenous Cornish -- but those who are destined to take their place in West Wessex.
One such development project is that for the marina complex in the former Penlee Quarry between Newlyn and Mousehole, which will house yachts costing hundreds of thousands of pounds and offer dwellings (for part-time use, of course) at similarly high prices.
Clearly such amenities are not for the locals, who earn on average £13,000 annually, if they are lucky. This is just one of many projects designed to take Cornwall from its people, like taking a mother from her baby, and offer it to those who can pay, just like offering that mother to those who can pay.
The Roundup cornered the Press Officer of the Government Office of the South West, Mr Heinrich Zap-Kernow, as he made his way to Madam Zarah Strict for his weekly therapy visit. He tried to calm growing Cornish fears about loss of identity and indeed of homeland.
Mr Zap-Kernow, who only recently changed his name from Zap-Poland in an attempt to please the Cornish, stated that:
"The people of Cornwall, or West Wessex as it will shortly be known, have no need to fear the loss of their homeland, since, in the future, literally anyone with the necessary funds (income of £250,000 or disposable assets of £1 million) will be able to purchase a home in Cornwall -- and even live in it all year round, if they can tear themselves away from London and Waitrose for long enough. Quite frankly I can't see what all the fuss is about."
The Roundup feels that it is high time that the Cornish realise what is happening to Cornwall. Be alert, watch closely, analyse the changing elements, sharpen your wits and tongue, and speak out for Cornwall!
Editor
Speaking as an English visitor, who happened across this site, whilst looking for a weekend property to buy in Cornwall, may I say that the renaming project would be very worthwhile and welcome.
ReplyDeleteThe wife and I sometimes feel we are in a foreign country, when we pop down from town. I am afraifd that we aren't quite in the yachting category, but I would a buy a property in a Marina, just for the view - also a damned good investment in the long term!!.