DEBUTANTES BALLS ARE BACK!!

Yes, meet the young ladies of style from West Penwith!

On the left are 8 proud new graduates from the Crows an Wra Young Ladies' Finishing School, who will shortly be introduced as debutantes at the Annual Boswedden Lane Debutantes Ball in September.

This grand social event will be presided over, with his customary seigniorial aplomb, by none other than the esteemed Relubbus Council leader Billy Spargo (107) himself, and whichever belle on whom he chooses to bestow the signal honour of his company on this most prestigious of social occasions in the Cornish calendar.

For certain technical reasons, this tends to be a geriatric nurse with particular experience in urological problems, but this year Councillor Spargo appears to be casting caution to the wind.

Despite his, to lesser folk, incapacitating urological and wind problems, it is hotly rumoured around the fashionable salons of Boswedden Lane that the venerated Relubbus leader (pictured here on the left), will be foregoing his usual practice of taking an experienced nursing companion and instead escorting the young lady on the far left of the top photo, Miss Clamydia Trelowarren (21) to the ball.

The other ladies in the top photo – all aged 21 and all from the top drawer of Relubbus society – are, (to Miss Trelowarren’s right) Miss Cynthia Bunt, Miss Lavinia Minge, Miss Mocca Tartt, Miss Spenda Penny and Miss Dorla Rescorla.

The two girls seated at the front (or ‘gels’ as they prefer to be known) are a tight-knit pair from Botallack, who like to be known as the ‘no-knickers brigade’. They are Miss Brenda Bramanagath and Miss Gwendoline Gwenn.

In accordance with tradition, one lucky debutante will be selected as Queen of the Ball.

The young lady will then be showered with valuable gifts, including this year a £5 voucher to be redeemed at Simpson’s of Penzance; a set of nearly-new heated rollers; a half price cup of coffee at the Wimpy Bar; a free ‘blue rinse’ at Shelley’s Hair and Beauty at St Just and a set of tingly horsehair underwear made to measure by the up and coming King of Lingerie himself, Mr Derek Split-Crotch of Newbridge (pictured left, just putting the finishing touches, with mawther’s iron, to a pair of size 20 panties in genuine plastique.)

The only ‘onerous’ duties are the official opening of the refurbished toilets at Newlyn harbour and the requirement to act as a ‘greeter’ at the toilets from 7.00 am till 9.00 pm for the first 60 days after opening.

This is followed by a week of being duty streetwalker (deputising for ace local tart Ada Quick) at St Buryan (from 3.00 pm until 7.30 pm), donating all proceeds to the Botallack Home for Fallen Women.

However, with all this local exposure, it is easy to see why so many young women regard the attainment of the ‘Queen of the Ball’ title as the best possible launchpad into the world of the West Penwith glitterati. Accordingly, we can only say, may the best young lady win!! We will be reporting further...