ENTY MAY'S PROBLEM PAGE

Readers are invited to seek Enty May's benevolent guidance on sensitive matters of the heart, soul, body, and human relations in general. Enty May has a background in long term psychiatric care.






Doreen Ploppy (15) of Tregeseal: "Problem down below"

Doreen:  Dear Enty.  I don't knaw what 'ave appened but I jes come out in a rash down below las' week.  I put some o' that Carmelite lotion on un an all and it ebbent 'elped a bit. Tracey Wakfer's Granny said to use nettles, but that bin an gon un made un worser 'n ever.  I kent sit down neow.

I'm in agonies 'ere.  "Elp us cannee?

Enty May:  Es, well, my bird, you've come to the right place.  I think Granny meant you sposed t 'use they nettles to brew up nettle tay, not to put un drect on the skin.  No matter.  

Neow, ere's the good news, my 'ansome. You duh live in Cornwall and 'ere we got eour cream.  I duh say 'i's good to eat and i's good to treat!'  Gwout and buy a nice quarter o'cream and spread un all over the 'ffected parts.  Leab'm on there fer coupla ours, then take'n off and put un back in the packet.  You can use 'n fer cream teas fer emmets.  

Put on a fresh quarter o'cream and keep goin like gat till all the rash duh go.  After a week all the rash is gone and it wain't cost you nuthin, cos of all the money you duh git from they emmets fer the cream teas!  Tha's what emmets are for!

Mimi Batten (95) of Newlyn: "'Usbent took bad"

Mimi: Dear Enty, I don't like dealing with doctors er nuthin like gat, but I think i's time fer me to seek 'elp.  In August, my dearly beloved 'usbent, 'Maggot' I duh call un, was took some bad.  'Ee 've bin in bed all the time since then and ebbent eaten nothin nor drunk nothin.  'Ee ebbent spoke a word or moved at all.  Normally I'd jes leab'n go like gat till ee duh wake up again, but ee' is neow startin' to smell much worse n' wa's normal fer un.  I've tried room spray, but ee ebbent worked an the smell's so bad neow I'm sleepin downstairs.  'Elp us, canne?

Enty May:  Neeow, Mimi, my luvver, I got some good news and some bad news for ee.  First of all, 'ere's a good news.  I can 'elp ee.  Tha's the good news.

Neow, e're's  a bad news and there idn no other way to say it, my bird, but your Maggot is in a state doctors duh call 'deceased'.  That idn 'diseased', but what you and me would normally describe as 'passed on or ovver'  That's quite normal fer people wot ebbent drunk nothin, ner eaten nothing ner breathed fer 4 months.  Sorry to 'ave to be the one to tell 'ee, me ansome  but tha's the way obm.

Dwayne Trevain (31) of Treveglos: "Back to Front"

Dwayne: Dear Enty.  I kent bleev I'm goin into print on this, but I ebbent gotta choice.  I'm 100% normal 'xcept that I am back to front down blow.  What should be at the back is at the front and wha's out back should be roun' the front.  I would dearly love to 'ave a wife, but I kent pluck up courage to talk to maids.  'Elp us cannee?

Enty May: My gar! Tha's nuthin to worry 'bout, my 'ansome! Two girls 'ave written in 'ere wi' the same problem.  There's Angie Batten from Tolcarne and Millicent Liddicoat from Marazion.  'Owever - and 'ere's a surprise faree - everyone up Badgers Cross is jes like gat!  So you got nuthin to worry 'bout!