SPORTS NEWS

by special Sports Correspondent Tommy "Balls" Wakfer

LADIES NEED MALE MEMBERS!

There is one thing on which all the ladies of the Badgers Cross Badminton Club (BCBC) would agree - they definitely need male members.

BCBC has a membership of thirty six.  The trouble is that they are all ladies. 

They know that they must woo male players, but their sharply divided opinions on how to achieve this objective have split this once happy club (as one can see from the photo) right down the middle, exposing mutually hostile class divisions.

It all started when Aggie Trembath (31) placed a controversial poster on the walls of the local pub and the cricket club. 

Aggie had designed the poster herself and modelled  it on the iconic first world war Kitchener poster. 

It read "BCBC is all shuttle and no cock.  We ladies need male members!"

When word got out about Aggie's initiative, Letitia Chirgwin (29) was livid and set out to rip down and destroy every one of Aggie's posters.

Says Aggie defiantly, a self-employed pig insemination operative, " I cudden bleeve it, I cudden bleddy bleeve what that hoity-toity stuck-up bitch binangonundun!  Sony bitta fun, inna?  What she aff to go do that fer?"

Says Letitia haughtily, a freelance nasal hair trimmer with her own bike, "When I 'eard what that mentalist slapper dun, I went straight roun' the pub and pulled 'er posters deown!  We aren't all scrubbers 'ere like she!  Kommunasmuck she is!  Whatever she like??!"

Half the club supports Letitia and the other half is solidly behind Aggie.  How will it end?  Will the posters re-appear?  Who can say?  However, the Roundup will follow this gripping story.

THIRD PORTHCURNO CAMP TRAINING CAMP A GREAT SUCCESS!

Gays flocked to the Porthcurno Gay University site from all over West Penwith (especially Sancreed and St Buryan) to take part in the third great outdoor "Camp Training Camp."

Readers will recall that this event started up three years ago in honour of outstanding and pioneering local gay, Trenwith Madron Trembath, who sadly passed away in 2007 at the age of 124.

Mr Trembath achieved early fame by becoming the first man to swim the Atlantic - and back - non-stop,  fortified only by one of his mother's notoriously gargantuan pasties.

Trembath was a keen athlete, rugby player and cricketer.  As a young man in a time when there was precious little understanding for those devoted to a love that dared not speak its name, Trembath was a fearless and proud homosexualist, daringly outspoken about his gayness and defiantly setting up home with Reginald Polkinghorne in 1905 in their own little cottage in Porthcurno.  It was, of course, on the site of this cottage that the Porthcurno Gay University was later built.

The "Camp Training Camp" is a three day event in which young men engage in thrilling outdoor exercise with one another.

The snap on the left shows them in the early morning getting ready to partake in piggy back tournaments.  All jolly good fun designed to raise the spirits and strengthen the muscles.

The event has been very well attended this year with over 2,500 participants, including 40 0fficers from Penzance Police Station.

PC Ben Dover (second from the left, sitting on special friend Roger's shoulders) gushed enthusiastically, "I ebbent nevver 'ad s' much fun!  I'll be back 'ere nex' year fer deffinat!"