LONELY HEARTS

Be lonely no longer -- your new love may be here!

Jennifer Treglown (41) works as an Assistant Chemist at the Square in St Just. She is President of the West Penwith women's pipe-smoking club and is a keen advocate of the merits of St Bruno flake. Divorced and with no children, she describes herself as having "no clutter" and is keen to take up with any decent pipe-smoking St Just man between the age of 40 and 42.

Not revealed in this head photo is the fact that Jennifer is an amputee, having unfortunately set fire to her left leg with her pipe when she fell asleep one evening after getting seriously drunk after her 14th birthday. This has made her abstain from all alcohol ever since and she will only contemplate a teetotal pipe-smoker as a future partner. For those with a particular interest in the matter (and they do exist!), it is the left leg which is missing. Box No 3045


Denzil Trevains (28) of Tremethick Cross is a tractor driver on a marijuana farm at Drift near Penzance. Denzil is a member of the Crows an Wra Wild West Society, which stages battles between cowboys and Native Americans set in American frontier days. In these otherwise faithful reconstructions of encounters of yesteryear, Denzil likes to pretend that his tractor is an early tank, which he uses to mow down the "injuns".

Denzil's previous girlfriend of 8 years was jailed last week for 18 years after being found guilty of killing her parents and all 965 of their chickens with a scythe in a mad drug-fuelled nightmare. Out cold for a 36-hour period following a drugs bash, Denzil was found not guilty of being associated with the murders. He is now seeking to rebuild his life and would like to meet a brave young woman to help him do so. Box 4591


Adelheid Kenidjack (26), pictured, as her sect dictates, on a toilet clutching an umbrella, is a "completist" and wishes to marry another follower of the sect. Completists believe that all bodily products must be retained and never thrown away. Thus her parents have, lovingly, kept every nail clipping, every cutting of hair and, naturally, the product of every single loo visitation ever since this young lovely was born. This amounts to three petrol tankers' worth so far.

Adelheid works as a children's nurse in Pendeen and wishes to live no further away than Botallack or, at most, Zennor. Until now, Adelheid has only experienced a close relationship with Zorro, her golden retriever, but she is now ready to meet a man. (We must stress only another "completist" can be considered.) Box 2841, if this is you!



Tamsin Penriddick (22), pictured here, unusually for her, in a bar, describes herself as a shy retiring girl with little experience of relationships. She explains, "I once shagged 40 blokes in one evening to win a bet but, since then, I only usually do no more than 5 in one evening".

A Goldsithney girl looking for a lasting relationship of the soul, she writes poetry in ancient Greek to amuse herself and would like to meet a man who has a similar adulation for the works of Homer. In the world of music, she has no greater hero than Liszt and fantasizes about just how big his hands must have been to comfortably cover the notes demanded in his music. She works as a dental nurse, has a pet monkey called "Torfo", and her favourite drink is Pina Colada. Interested? Box 5639





Terry "Baby" Kenidjack (31) is one of the new brand of themed plumbers now working in the West Penwith Area. Last year, he styled himself as "Troubadour Terry" and went about his plumbing singing medieval airs, taking Walther von der Vogelweide as his particular favourite.

This year he has decided to style himself as "Baby Terry". He explains that this is a necessary change. Last year, he concentrated so much on getting his Middle High German correct that he made the occasional slip-up in his plumbing. In his new persona, he merely makes baby-like gurgles and and bubbling noises, with the occasional rear liquid explosion for purposes of authenticity. He stays "in character" for 24 hours a day and so is looking for a special woman to share his life. Box 5782