MOTHER'S DAY TREATS!

How to spoil your Mum on Mother's Day. A review of what's available in the Relubbus area, researched by Kezia Bowden

Let the Roundup help you give your Mum something unusual, which she won't easily forget! Here are some ideas:

Romantic Sing song with 'Fats' Clemo, the internationally acclaimed Rosudgeon singer.

For a modest outlay on your part of only £2.47, Fats will come round to your Mum's house and sing "lovesongs through the letterbox" for not less than 3 minutes.

For an extra £5.35, he will hand your Mum a posy of flowers he has picked himself, probably from her garden.

For a further £35, he will come in and eat a meal cooked by your Mum (provided that said meal contains at least 4 courses). Finally, for an additional £50, he will bring a bottle of sparkling St Buryan white and drink it in front of your Mum.



Treat your Mum to a hairstyling session she will never forget! 43-year-old Derek Tonkin (shown here on the left) suffered from a rapidly receding hairline, before he was sent to Master Tregonning's, the world famous Ludgvan hairstylist, by his Mum.

He came out with a nearly full head of purple hair and says he now feels like a new woman.

Just think, if the Master can do this for Derek, just what can he do for your Mum!

10 minute coiffuring sessions in the presence of the Master cost £369 plus VAT, but as plasterer Derek says, it was "worth every penny ob 'n!".

Teat your Mum to an intimate massage session with Denzil ("I'm a pushover really") Tiger Trevains.

Denzil (39), from Pendeen, may be a florist by day, but by night (or evening, at any rate) he is the dispenser of the most soothing massage this side of Ludgvan. His clawed hands leave virtually no trace and little blood as he tickles incision after incision into the backs of his patients.

Denzil is available for home visits and will arrive at your home on a tandem with his 98 year-old dad, 'Arry, who hums relaxing music whilst his son performs the massage. Denzil performs for £30 per half hour session, inclusive of the £5 beer money for his Dad's humming.

Treat your Mum to a pair of hobnail boots, as engineered by the Boot King of Madron himself, Itchy Polglaze. Everyone knows that women love their shoes, so just think of the impact you would have by presenting your Mum with something a little different, a pair of Itchy's boots. Made according to the highest standards of what must now be sadly seen as a dying craft, these boots will fit almost like a glove* and they will certainly be the talk of all of your Mum's friends. They can be worn as easily with a ballgown as with a short skirt. They can be worn to the theatre, to the dance floor, and to the tennis court. They will last for decades! They can be your Mum's for as little as £799.99 plus VAT. Go on, you have only got one Mum, so let her know you really care, by giving her hobnailed boots.
* after being "worn in" for a couple of years

For an unusual gift, just take your Mum down to Praa Sands and let her have a camel ride on Cornwall's only three-legged camel, Alfonso! Although he is normally the star of the Relubbus International Circus (he lost one leg in an unfortunate fall from the trapeze four years ago), Alfonso delights in taking people for a ride. Seen here refusing to get up until the lady pays the full fare, Alfonso will give your Mum a ride for a mere £135 for 10 minutes (including photo, which he will sign with his own hoof!).



Does your Mum like fun? Is she up for a laugh? Then buy her some of Risky Bosallow's "But Is It Chocolate?" range.

Risky is the renowned Gurnard's Head chocolatier with a difference. The subtleties of his chocolate are the stuff of legend and he counts all the crowned heads of Europe as his customers.

A man of restless talents, he has now devised a new "But Is It Chocolate?" range. 75% of the goods sold under this brand are fashioned from the finest natural products available and are indeed made of chocolate. The remaining 25% is fashioned from assorted freely available natural (waste) products. The fun in buying from the "Is It?" range is that you have no idea what is in the box. It could be all chocolate or it could be made from another substance. Much more likely, you will get a mix, which can only add to the fun and suspense. Go on -- spoil her -- a box of 15 pieces costs just £95!

Give her a Gerald Tonkin Handkerchief! Tonkin has been a collector of used handkerchiefs from the stars for over 40 years. Now he is prepared to sell some of his huge collection. The hankies are unwashed and contain genuine body fluids of the named stars. So, if your Mum swoons at the mere mention of John Wayne, Tom Jones, or Eric Addicoat, now you can offer her a little trace of her hero.

There are thousands of hankies in stock, so you will not be disappointed with super gifts at prices you can afford. For example, a John Wayne noseblow is only £5.45; or there's Eric Addicoat ear wax, at £3.75. Don't delay, make Mum happy today!